Missing Pieces
by stillhavemyheart
Summary: Edward Cullen's abrupt and unexplained departure left Isabella Swan devastated and unable to completely piece her life back together and move on. What will happen 6 years later when Edward has to return to Forks for his sisters wedding? Rated M for later
1. Bandaid Covers The Bullet Hole

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, however much I wish, although the ideas and storylines in this fic are mine.**

**This is an AH fic with the typical couples, and sort of follows the idea of New Moon**

**(Edward leaving, Bella being devastated, Jacob, yada yada).**

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"_Baseball's a _boys_ sport, Bella. You can't play with us."_

_At ten years old, Edward Cullen had a lanky frame that didn't quite fill out his little league baseball jersey and a disarray of vivid copper hair that poked out in all directions from underneath his navy blue baseball hat. He frowned from his place on the pitchers mound, tapping his foot impatiently._

_Bella Swan scanned the field with her large chestnut eyes, folding her arms across her popsicle-stained t-shirt as she located Rosalie Hale standing edgily on third base. Beneath Emmett's major league cap, her long blonde hair fell in loose ringlets around her tan shoulders - even at eleven years old Rosalie had been a knockout._

"_You let Rosalie play," Bella replied stubbornly, refusing to back down. She kept her facial expression in control, trying to hide how hurt she really was that Edward didn't want her to play. For four years now he had been her best friend – they did almost everything together, and his sudden rejection was shattering to her. _

"_Well Rosalie's a fifth grader! It's different," he responded exasperatedly, Emmett snickering in the batters box._

"_Sorry Bells, you're just too… little," Emmett grinned, the three of them bursting into laughter._

_Bella stiffened, her careful resolve completely dissolving as her chestnut eyes filled with tears. Alice, tinier than Bella and also eight, stood beside her, reaching for her hand as Bella's lower lip trembled._

"_I… I hate you, Edward Cullen," Bella stammered, dropping Alice's hand as she turned and ran, Edward's self-assured smirk crumpling instantly._

"_Gosh, Edward! You're _so_ stupid!" Alice called back, furious at her brother. Crossing her arms, she shot a piercing glare in Emmett's direction, wiping the grin off his face. Despite her size, Alice knew how to shut up her older brothers when she needed to._

_Edward didn't need to be told twice. He dropped his mitt to the ground and ran after her, leaving Alice to scold Emmett in a very Esme-esque fashion. Fast for his age, and easily faster than Bella with her two left feet and magnetism for things like tree roots and rocks, he knew he'd catch up with her soon enough._

_It took him at least five minutes to find her, huddled beneath one of the tall redwoods in the Cullens' huge yard, her skinny arms wrapped around her legs. A pang of guilt struck as he took in her freshly skinned knees – leave it to Bella to run for barely a few minutes and still manage to find a way to injure herself._

"_Go away, Edward," she sniffed, turning away from him. He knelt down in front of her, reaching out to rest his hand on her elbow._

"_I'm sorry, okay?" She turned away from him, furiously wiping at her watery eyes. He grabbed her wrists, gently pulling them away from her face. He looked at her, genuine guilt and anguish across his face that made it hard for her to still be angry with him. Well, angry enough to say she hated him, anyway. "Come on, Bella, I didn't mean it."_

_He brushed the dirt from her arms, carefully pulling a pine tree sprig from her dark brown hair. "Sometimes I just want to play with Emmett and Rosalie's friends, though. But it doesn't mean I don't like you too."_

"_You didn't have to be so mean."_

_Edward nodded slowly, his face solemn as he stood up and he offered her his hand, pulling her into a hug. "You're my best friend, Bella, the most important person in my whole life. I'm sorry, and I promise I'll never hurt you again."_

Liar.

"Bella, hello? Did you even hear what I just said?"

Jacob's voice knocked me out of my daydream, causing me to jump and nearly tumble from my perch on the lawn chair as my glass of iced tea hit the patio floor with a crash, chips of glass and ice scattering every which way.

"Crap! Emily, I'm so sorry!" I could feel my trademark crimson blush burning across my cheeks as I reached for the brown sandals at the end of my lawn chair and got up to help her. Emily merely brushed off my apology with a simple flick of her hand, her smile warm and slightly amused. Across the yard, laughter boomed, my clumsiness clearly a source of entertainment for Jacob's friends. Shoving Paul out of the way, Jacob ran the length of the yard to the porch, ignoring the shards of glass as he ran over to me.

Jacob Black had been one of my absolute best friends ever since he accidentally pushed me off his dads fishing boat in the 7th grade, although these days the line kept getting fuzzier. Jacob, as he had made clear a hundred times, was in love with me, yet I was in no way over Edward. While I clung desperately to the past, he tried to gently nudge me towards the future, or the future he believed we could have together. It was exhausting and painful to constantly turn him down, but I suppose in some way I was doing him a favor; he deserved better than to be with someone who couldn't return what he felt.

"Careful, Jake, there's glass on the floor!" He rolled his eyes in response, shaking his head. "Bells, I spent most my childhood outside barefoot. I think I'll live. You okay, honey?" He grinned down at me, although his smile didn't touch his eyes. It was irritating at times like these how well he had me figured out - Jacob was so good at reading me that he knew me better than I did most days. We often finished each others sentences and even communicated without words - he'd know, whether or not I said it directly out loud, that I had been thinking about Edward.

It wasn't that I didn't love Jacob – I did. After Edward had left, Jacob was the glue that held me together and forced me to get through each day. He had kept me distracted and been there unwaveringly by my side as I dealt with my mother's illness. I owed him more than I could ever hope to repay him. The problem lied in the fact that I didn't, and wasn't sure I ever could, love him the way he wanted me to - the way he loved me. And as much as loving Jacob made sense, part of me couldn't bring myself to try just in case, maybe… Edward would come back.

"I'm fine, although I can't say the same for Emily's glass…" In any situation, it always ended up that I was one to break something or injure myself. Jacob's eyes were still rimmed with the same, uncertain look as they'd been when he'd run over. "What did you say before? Sun bathing… you know how it is, I think I spaced out for a bit," I responded lamely, internally wincing as Jacob glanced up at the overcast sky with a skeptical look.

He shrugged, catching the worn football in one hand with barely a glance as Quil tossed it his way. "You, sunbathing? I'll believe it when I see it. And when it's actually sunny out. And don't worry, it's not important." Jacob raised an eyebrow at me, obviously very, very aware about what - or who more specifically - I had been distracted by. Still, he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek that earned a series of mock catcalls from across the yard. No matter how old they got, Jake's pack of friends still acted like a bunch of rowdy, hormonal sixteen year olds when they were all together. Rolling his eyes, he ran across the yard, barely dodging Seth's tackle as he threw the ball to Sam. I scooped the remaining shards of glass into my palm, distracted by my recent daydream of Edward. I had to try harder for Jacob's sake – he deserved that much.

A familiar, rusty smell filled my nose, and I felt my stomach flip; I didn't need to look to know I had sliced my finger, the sharp stinging sensation and overwhelming smell of blood was enough. Careful not to drip blood on the carpet, I let myself inside the house, dropping the remaining glass shards into the trash before placing my hand under the cool tap water.

"Bella? Oh! I should have known leaving you to pick up the broken glass wouldn't be a good idea… let me grab you a band-aid."

Feeling utterly useless and completely embarrassed, I waited as Emily went to the other room in search of a band-aid, the sweet fragrance of lemon poppy seed muffins baking in the oven slowly masking the smell of blood and unknotting my stomach.

"_God, Bella, we can't even throw you a surprise birthday party without injuring you," Emmett began to laugh, quieting instantly as Carlisle, Edward, and Alice all shot him the same sharp look, Rosalie swatting the back of his head._

_Wincing as Carlisle plucked a shard of glass from the jagged cut along her forearm, Bella Swan clutched the hand of the handsome, copper-haired boy beside her tightly, face white as her t-shirt._

"_Does it hurt? Dad you're hurting her--"_

"_No, it's not that. I just… the smell of blood makes me feel sick." She took a long, shaky breath as Edward let her rest her head against his shoulder, breathing in his smell of mint and cologne…_

"You know," Emily's voice interrupted my memory as she carefully wrapped the band-aid around the middle of my left pointer finger. "You don't look at Jacob the way he looks at you." Her dark brown eyes were full of accusation as she assessed me, although there was a hint of understanding in there as well. I knew Emily was protective of Jacob because she viewed him as family, practically a brother to Sam. It was only natural she'd be defensive of his happiness - someone had to be, considering I mostly seemed to cause him misery.

She leaned back in the rickety kitchen chair, her dark hair twisted into a long French braid down her spine. Jagged, soft pink scars crisscrossed in an uneven pattern across the right side of her face, her marred beauty a testament to her love for Sam. Before getting clean, Sam had struggled with serious alcohol abuse issues, nearly killing himself and Emily when he sent the car over the side of the road. Alcoholism, accident, and scars aside, Emily had pushed through it with him until he was clean, the two marrying the following summer. Her bond with Sam was like that of mine to Edward – no matter how terrible a thing done, we both continued to love them as equally and powerfully as before. The only difference, it seemed, was that Sam loved her back and Edward had outgrown loving me.

I pursed my lips, eyeing her back with equal skepticism. No matter how close with Jacob she was, it still wasn't her place to get involved, or start throwing accusations around when she barely knew the whole story. "I love Jacob, but in a different way then he claims to love me. Jake and I are just friends, nothing more, and I've been very clear about that from the beginning. No offense, but I don't need you to get involved."

"I'm not getting involved, trust me I've got enough on my plate with Paul sleeping in our living room, and Sam's dad in and out of the hospital. I'm just saying, Jacob deserves more than this, Bella. He's a good guy." Damn it, why was everyone so focused on my love life? The moral pep talks once a week from Emily, Charlie, and Alice were beginning to get exhausting. Especially when Charlie's consisted of, "So are you finally ready to settle down and be with Jacob?" and unintelligible mumbling when I glared at him in response.

"The person I love left, Emily. He's gone and I'm barely at terms with that, let alone ready to try to get involved with someone else. I can't even _imagine_ being with someone aside from Edward, let alone kissing or loving them." I took a deep breath, trying to subdue my rising temper. It wasn't fair to take all this out on Emily – Charlie and Alice deserved a healthy dose of it, too. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel for someone else what I do for Edward, and that's not something I can help. I've told Jake that a million times, so you don't need to try and make me feel guilty, I do every day, _trust _me. And I know it makes sense to be with Jacob, but honestly, could you just stop loving Sam and be with someone else if he left?"

Yeah, so maybe I'd lost it just a little, but I was tired of hearing about how I was making Jacob's life miserable. I had never once lead him on, or encouraged his advances – I always made it clear we were just friends, and I wasn't interested in anything more. Standing up, Emily placed her hand inside the red oven mitt to take the muffins out, setting them down on the brown and white tiled countertop. "I get it, Bella, if I had to live without Sam…" she paused, glancing out the window at the group of tan, shirtless men running around her yard before turning back to me, a frown on her mouth. "I understand, believe me, I do. It's just not fair on Jacob. He deserves to be happy."

The drive home felt longer than usual, Emily's words still fresh in my mind. I left without a goodbye to Jacob, not in the mood to interrupt his football game or be under Emily's scrutinizing glares any longer.

Jacob was a constant, something to in my life that required me to live another day for. Without him, it was hard to say where I'd be now – most likely a crazy, homeless lady who slept on the streets of Seattle and yelled slurred words to a hallucinatory Edward. Jacob loved me, or rather loved the idea of what we could have together in a parallel universe where I wasn't pathetically, destructively, and hopelessly in love with Edward Cullen. The wounds Edward's rejection had left were still deep and Jacob was acting as a temporary cover over those wounds. Beneath the bandage, however, they were still very fresh, very painful, and very real. Could time really heal that? Everything about him was still felt real - his vivid green eyes, the way he'd pinch his nose when frustrated, the way the right corner of his lips lifted up slightly higher than the left when he smiled, the result a dazzling, crooked smile. He hadn't faded with time, and despite his promise, the memory of him continued to interfere and affect my life.

_Something felt off. It was raining. That was typical for Forks. Renee had called that morning to leave a hurried message about some 'last minute yoga retreat or something and could Bella come by and feed the cat?' My mother was often last minute and scattered, so that wasn't it. Alice was dragging me along on an impromptu shopping spree later – that was normal. Edward was supposed to call from Dartmouth today, which was normal too, however infrequent it had been as of late. Yet despite all these normalcy's, something still felt very… off._

_Shrugging one of Edward's Dartmouth sweatshirts over my pajamas, I ignored the strange feeling in my stomach and headed for the stairs, surprised to find Edward sitting at the kitchen table, face buried in his hands. _

_"Edward?" My first instinct said to rush to him, throw my arms around his neck and bury my face against his shoulder, breathe him in, hold him to me. I held back, the unsettled feeling returning back as I examined him. He was thinner than the last time I'd seen him, the deep purple rings under his eyes an indication he hadn't been sleeping. His posture was rigid, his face twisted in stress; this didn't feel like the joyful reunion I had been building up in my head for the past few months. "You're home?"_

_"I'm just here to settle some… business." He waited a beat, his emerald eyes meeting mine, empty and cold. "We might as well get this over with; Bella, I'm not coming back to Forks."_

_The words hung between us, cold, abrupt, and confusing. We had plans… once we'd both finished college he was coming back… we were going to finally be together…_

_"I don't understand. Then I'll come to you." It was as if my body was slowly understanding what my mind couldn't bear to comprehend. My hands started to shake, dread slowly creeping along the tips of my fingers, spreading through my arms to the rest of my body._

_He shook his head, expression controlled and blank. "No. It's not the right place for you." Uncertainly, I descended the last few stairs, walking to him and reaching for his arm. My fingers barely grazed his forearm before he flinched in response, pulling his arm away and to his side as he took a step back. "Wherever you are is the right place for me, Edward."_

_"No, Bella. I don't want you to come with me."_

_I blinked rapidly, trying to prevent the tears peppering along my eyelids from spilling over onto my cheeks. The last thing I wanted to do right now was cry._

_"You don't want me." It was spoken it more as a statement than a question, the realization washing over me. Edward had always been too good for me – I'd known that all along and now, he'd finally realized it as well._

_"No."_

_"Well, I guess that changes things." Desperation clutched tightly, insecurity washing over me as I hugged my arms across my chest. How pathetic I must look to him now. "All I've ever done is love you…"Betraying me, my voice broke then, the first few tears sliding down her cheeks._

_He straightened up, draping his jacket over his arm. So cold, so blank so… unlike any way I had ever seen him. "And I'll always love you, Bella… in a way. But we can't go on like this." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I won't bother you again, I promise. You can go on with your life without any interference on my part."_

_"Why… why are you doing this?" From four years old on Edward had been my best friend, her other half, even before romance had tangled and confused things. How could he just abandon me like this?_

_"You're not good for me, Bella."_

_Not good enough – well, that much I knew already, although it had never interfered with their relationship, as friends or not, before. Defeated, my shoulders shrunk as I nodded, trying to wrap my head around the fact that he was really leaving. He pressed his lips to my forehead, and as he stepped back, I almost let myself believe I saw his eyes flash with pain._

_"Can you promise me one thing, Bella?" he waited for her slow nod before continuing._

_"Anything."_

"_I realize I'm not at a liberty to ask much of you, but… look after yourself, okay? Be safe." He looked back once more as if to hesitate, then turned the handle and was gone._

The apartment was still covered with reminders of the life I'd lived when loved by Edward, my mother's things scattered every which way. It felt like a ghost house, full of memories of things that no longer existed, futures that were no longer mine. Torturous as it was, I couldn't let any of it go.

Dim light was seeping in through the faded gingham curtains strung over the kitchen window, a tribute to my mothers' attempts at interior decorating. White cabinets lined the walls, filled with matching dishware and glasses, a heavy contrast from my college dorm, where it was considered a major accomplishment to find two wine glasses that matched. The far wall donned three different shades of yellow where my mother had tested potential paint colors. I hated yellow, but when your mother has cancer and wants to decorate the kitchen with yellow, that's not the kind of thing you mention. I knew she had missed Arizona terribly – she had never taken to the grey, drizzly Forks weather as my father had been so certain she would before the divorce. The yellow, she had assured me, would remind me of the sun, would light up the dreary apartment. What she didn't know was that coupled with the dim grey light of Forks, the yellow dulled and became a depressing reminder of the lack of sun instead of the cheerful vibe she had aimed for.

Renee had bought the apartment my freshman year of high school, claiming she missed me too much from Arizona. I lived between my father's house and her apartment, only finding out three years later the real reason she'd moved back was because of the diagnosis her doctor in Arizona had given her.

My mother, my beautiful, scatter-brained mother, had been diagnosed with lung cancer. A cruel joke played on someone who taught yoga classes five days a week, ate healthier than anyone I knew, and had never so much as touched a cigarette in her life,. The oncologist's explanation? '_Sometimes these things just happen, Ms. Dwyer. We don't really know why' _- how incredibly reassuring of them.

Two large hands rested on my shoulders, snapping me from my reverie with an unexpected jolt. On the table in front of me, lay three yellow roses.

"I hate yellow."

His posture stiffened behind me, hands lifting away from my shoulders as if scalded. "Jake, I'm sorry I didn't mean that." Crap, I really had to start being more careful around him – I was so used to being myself around Jake, it never occurred to me how often I probably hurt his feelings.

He shrugged and grabbed the flowers, thorns crushing against his leather hands as he dropped them unceremoniously into the sink. He shoved them into the garbage disposal and hit the tap before flipping the switch. A sickening crunching nose filled my kitchen, the roses reduced to fibers and pulp as they washed down the drain. It was melodramatic, but he definitely got his point across. He leaned his weight against the tile countertop, head down in frustration. Unintentionally hurting Jacob seemed to have become my newest hobby, a poor repayment for someone who had been my close friend for years.

"Really, Bella, it's not a big deal. I'm getting used to not meeting your expectations." His voice was thick with sarcasm, his expression strained. He ran a hand through his cropped black hair and looked back at me, eyes searing with more emotions than I could wrap my head around at once.

"It's not that, will you just let me explain?" After my conversation with Emily that day, I found myself even more frustrated and irritated with Jacob then I would normally. I needed him as my friend – everything would be so much easier if he could just see that. Besides which, the last time I went from friendship to relationship with someone, it had ended horribly. "Remember how Renee decorated the kitchen, and she chose to do everything yellow? Yeah, I hate yellow, but with the whole cancer thing… I wasn't going to burst her bubble. You just caught me in the middle of thinking about that is all. So please don't be mad at me, honestly Jacob, I need you to not be mad at me today. I love the flowers." The constant arguments like these as of late were getting beyond exhausting; I just wanted things to go back to normal, whatever the hell that was.

His face softened, lips crinkling into a smile. "Well you don't have to lie and say you love them if you don't," he replied teasingly. "Besides, it's not a big deal, I sorta just took them out of Emily's neighbors yard."

"Oh then I don't feel _so_ bad," I replied with a laugh, burying my face against his muscular shoulder as he pulled me close. His wide grin provided the reassurance I needed that I wasn't totally emotionally assaulting my best friend all the time. "Sorry I acted like a bitch."

"Well, sorry I overreacted and acted like a jerk," he grinned, brushing a stray piece of hair behind my hair. His hand slid from my ear to cup the side of my cheek, his face leaning in closer to mine.

It wasn't that Jacob wasn't attractive – that was the least of my worries. His skin was smooth and dark, a rich caramel, his gold-flecked brown eyes were set off by his crop of spiky black hair. Once, following a minor incident where I crashed his motorcycle in college, I had even told him he was beautiful, although he blamed that on potential head injuries. It was true, though; his face was gentle and perfectly proportioned, and every muscle on his body was carved and defined. But Jacob was the anti-Edward, and though he was gorgeous, he was gorgeous not in the way Edward was to me. The figure so close was all wrong, with spiky black hair where disheveled copper should have been, brown eyes instead of sparkling green, russet skin instead of pale ivory, an olive green t-shirt where a white button down with a loosened tie was supposed to be.

I turned my head to the side and went limp, his lips barely grazing my cheek before he pulled away humiliated and angry. "I can't –"

"So sorry to disappoint you that I'm Jacob, Bella, not _Edward_," he spat as he pulled back and grabbed his coat from the kitchen chair. Reflexively, I shivered as he said Edward's name, earning an angry glare from my best friend. "I saw that – I can see in your face what it does to you when I say his name. I can't fucking do this anymore, Bella. Edward's gone, okay? Gone, as in he's not coming back ever. But I'm here and I _love_ you, and I know you can love me too, but you don't even try."

I sat there in silence, hugging my arms to my chest as he shouted. It was only now, as I watched him yell, that I realized Jacob looked a little thinner, and his face looked worn from not sleeping. He turned from me, letting the door slam behind him as he left. Edward had destroyed me, and now slowly, I was destroying Jacob.

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Outside, the old oak tree whistled and creaked as the rain pounded against my frail roof, three buckets already set up around the kitchen to catch the drips. Nighttime was always the hardest, the one time I had no control over the direction my thoughts would take. I was almost used to the nightmares, enough so that I could slip into a somewhat comfortable sleep around eleven pm.

"_Edward?" The fog hung thick through the trees, burying the trunks and reducing the Cullen house to a mere stencil within it. The path felt uneven beneath my feet, unfamiliar rocks and branches snagging and ripping at my calves as I passed. The windows were completely black, the house empty. "Edward!" I screamed, the panicked sound of my own voice echoing through the fog._

_A break in the fog gave me the glimpse of copper I needed, so far ahead. He was running, tearing through the undergrowth dangerously fast – there was no way I could ever catch up with him. I tried to run after him as a frozen hand gripped my shoulder from behind. The spark of copper through the fog disappeared, the hand still clenching my shoulder painfully. I couldn't turn around, knowing that whatever thing was grabbing me would be terrifying and that Edward wouldn't come back to save me…_

"Bella! Bella, honey, wake up…." Slowly, I became aware of someone's hand gripping my shoulder, a familiar voice speaking frantically. The room and Jacob's face slowly came into focus, his expression distraught and shaken, but without any signs of his earlier anger. "Jesus Christ, the way you scream in your sleep you'd think you were being murdered. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I have… nightmares. A lot." I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes and stretching my arms above my head. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Uh… like three. Sorry I woke you… I wanted to come and apologize."

"Jake you don't have to apologize, especially not at three in the morning – I don't really deserve it. And honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to speak to me again." As painful as that would be, it would only be fair. The selfish part of me, however, hoped he still would. Hoping I hadn't completely screwed everything up, I placed my hands in his.

He rolled his eyes in response, a playful grin spreading across his face. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that, Bella. It's insulting," he chuckled, squeezing my hands. "I'm not going to leave you Bella, okay?" his playful tone turned sincere, warm eyes locking on mine. "From day one you've always been clear you weren't over Edward, I knew what I was getting into. And I also swore I wasn't going to get mad at you no matter what you said to me, which I keep breaking so that kind of makes me a crap friend. I know you still love Edward, and even though I can't understand how you could, I get it."

I nodded to let him know I was listening, indicating for him to continue. Loving Edward just seemed to be something that was ingrained in me, whether it made sense or not. Although it most likely meant I'd wind up a spinster with a hundred cats… it was the way things were.

"But, Bells, you spend all your energy holding onto to him when you could be happy if you let go of him – you could be happy with me. When you close your eyes you see Edward, not me, but when I close my eyes, I only see you, no matter how hard I try to see something else. I'll never see anyone else. I love you, and I'm willing to wait. But I need to know that I'm not waiting for nothing, not holding onto that ounce of hope for no reason. Can you promise me that?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly. Promise… no I couldn't promise. While my head screamed yes, that this would be the smart, safe, healthy thing to do… my stupid heart betrayed me, as part of me knew that if there were ever any sliver of a chance of being with Edward again, I would drop everything and go for it. And Jacob deserved better than that. No wonder he left me – I was pathetic. Pa-thet-ic. Why Jacob was wasting his time with me, I'd never know.

"I can't promise that, Jacob. I wish I could, but I can't."

He sighed, still holding my hands in his. "Yeah, I kind of figured, but I thought I'd try anyway. I can be your friend, Bella, if that's what you need right now. Just remember, the other option is always there. If you ever want to explore that…" he winked, lightening the moment by playfully ruffling my already disastrous hair.

"Thanks Jake." He yawned, stretching out on my bed. "You can stay here only if you promise not to try anything," I teased him, nestling back down into the covers.

"I'll be on my best behavior, don't flatter yourself too much, Swan."

"Night, Jake."

"Night, Bells."

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**A/N:** I plan to post an update within the next week, depending on how slammed I am with school and such. Reviews would be lovely and much appreciated - it's always nice to find out what works, what doesn't, what people like, what they don't. I have discovered I have an unhealthy relationship with commas and semi-colons, although I tried to cut out as many as were possible. Thanks so much for reading! :D


	2. Straight To The Heart

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, however much I wish, although the ideas and storylines in this fic are mine.**

**Thanks so much to those who added Missing Pieces to their story alerts and sujari6 for reviewing!**

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Days passed insignificantly, weeks fading into months before I had time to even realize the seasons had changed. Details and colour were slipping through my fingertips, blurring each day together until a day of significance arrived to shake things up.

Today was one of those days; today was the day Edward semi-kind of-sort of proposed to me. And while I had been more than reluctant at the time, I held onto the idea of it closely now. Reluctance had come from the foolish assumption that I had him forever and he wasn't going to abruptly leave six months later.

Stupid, stupid me.

"You look like hell, Bella."

"Thanks Alice, it's nice to see you too." I had never, under any circumstances, been a morning person, but I had to admit she had a point; I hadn't showered or combed my hair, and I was wearing flannel pajamas... at noon. Alice, of course, wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of flannel pajamas ever, especially ones purchased on sale for $9.99 at the Port Angeles Target. Despite her judgments, however, this was one of my self-designated wallowing weekends. I had a fresh pint of Ben and Jerry's and a bottle of vodka in the freezer and I wasn't about to let her ruin that.

"Take your judging elsewhere. I have a self-designated feel-sorry-for-myself-weekend planned. It's essential for my health and well-being."

Alice arched a sculpted eyebrow at me she lifted her Chanel sunglasses to the top of her head, a distasteful look on her face as her eyes slid from my ratty hair to my pajamas, resting on the mug of black coffee in my hand.

"You have ten minutes to shower and make yourself look presentable. We have a lot to get done today. Ten minutes." Somehow, despite her standing barely above 4'10, Alice had always had an amazing ability to intimidate anyone into giving her what exactly what she wanted. ven Emmett, captain of the football team in high school and well over six foot tall with muscles that put even Jacob's to shame, didn't mess with Alice when she gave him that look.

But this was one of my few weekends where I got to stay in my pajamas, watch crap lifetime movies, eat like a teenager with a lightening-speed metabolism, and cry. There was no way she was taking this away from me, I needed these rare weekends to remain sane. Or, sane as I would ever be, in the least.

"No. Whatever shopping trip you have planned or whatever I—" Her pale blue eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, lips pursed together; I was defeated. "Fine. I'll take the stupid shower," I replied, glowering at her. "Where are we going, anyway?" Alice's exasperated look as she followed me up the stairs was enough to tell me I'd most likely forgotten something important. I began to rack my brain for whatever it was… someone's birthday? What was the date anyway? February 6… no, the next birthday I had to worry about was Jacob's in June.

"Oh, it's nothing important, or anything. Just bridesmaids dress fitting and such for Rosalie's wedding. You know, the one you're kind of _maid of honor for_," Alice shouted from my room as I stepped into the shower. Crap, I was an idiot. How could I have forgotten? Sure, I had a million things going on and my life was falling apart around me… but if I was forgetting stuff like this that meant I was really losing it.

I showered quickly, untangling the last few knots from my shoulder length brown hair as I headed back into my bedroom, towel wrapped tightly around my body.

"Ugh, we'll have to dry your hair, too. We can't go into Bellevue with you looking like you just came from the community swimming pool."

Without arguing, the guilt from forgetting Rosalie's bridal fitting still fresh, I slipped into the outfit Alice had laid out on the bed. "Really, Alice? Blue silk in February?" Her icy glare shut me up, and I quickly slipped into the cap-sleeved dress without another word. The dress was beautiful, hugging my torso just right and fanning out gracefully at the hips, hem falling just above my knees. As much as I hated playing her oversized, 3-D paper doll, Alice knew what she was doing when it came to fashion and dressing me. It was really no wonder her business was so successful.

Alice and I had been close from the beginning of my friendship with the Cullen's - younger than everyone else, we had looked out for each other and been there together through everything. As much as I gave her a hard time, I owed her everything. When her brother had left me broken and devastated, she had stood unwaveringly by my side.

"_Bella!" Alice's soprano voice carried across the hall to where I sat frozen on the bottom step. Everything was a painful, stinging blur, and all I could do was stare at the door, hoping it would open again to reveal a pain-stricken Edward, apologies spilling from his mouth. "Sorry, I let myself in the back because I parked back th—what the hell happened to you?" Her face instantly turned concerned as she ran to my side, taking my hands in hers. "Bella? Were you robbed? Attacked? Did someone die? What happened?"_

"_He's gone."_

"_Gone? What do you mean _gone_? Who's gone?" Alice's voice was a harsh whisper, her lips pursed into a thin line. I stared back at her, afraid that stringing together longer sentences would cause my ready to burst tear ducts to overflow. "Bella, what the hell are you talking about?" Her voice was gentler this time, the undertone of panic undeniable. She wrapped her arm tightly around my hunched shoulders as I drew in a long, shaky breath._

"Edward was here. He flew in from Dartmouth to tell me he wasn't coming back." Speaking the words out loud pieced together her shattered heart and broke it again, the pain of the realization agonizing. "I said I'd go with him, but he said he doesn't want me anymore, and that I'm not good enough for him. And then he left."

Once my hair was properly dried, makeup applied, and I had passed Alice's scrutinizing assessment, we ran quickly to her yellow Porsche and began the drive to Seattle. Rain sheathed the windshield, making it almost impossible to see clearly. I didn't let myself look at the speedometer – all the Cullen's had a hobby of driving sickeningly fast, and instinct told me Alice was pushing at least past 80. And yet none of them had ever been pulled over, and my own father had given me a ticket for going thirty in a twenty-five zone. Typical.

Somehow, however, we made it to Seattle alive in just over two hours, confirming my belief that Alice had been pushing ninety-five the entire time. Huddled under her Burberry umbrella, we sprinted – as much as was humanly possible in the 3 inch stiletto heels Alice had made me wear – across the street to avoid the pouring rain.

"Finally!" Rose called from across the boutique, flute of champagne in her right hand. "Hi Bella. Alice, this is my favorite of the dresses you had put aside. I need your approval, come here." All business, Alice hung her coat on the antique coat rack and dropped her umbrella into the umbrella stand before walking gracefully to the dressing area where Rosalie was standing. A complete fashion connoisseur, Alice had been given full reign to dictate the style for the wedding. Alice knew Rosalie well; she wanted haute couture and designs that would leave everyone in awe. Rosalie had never been one to go for something small, something that was evident in the colossal wedding her and Esme were in the midst of planning. With one look at that dress, there was no worry that the bridesmaids could upstage the bride – not that there really ever was. The sad reality was that Rosalie could walk down the aisle in a t-shirt and jeans and still look more breathtaking then any of us on our best days.

If there was a single flaw on Rosalie's body it was hard to imagine. The strapless dress accentuated her delicate bone structure and creamy white skin and the fitted cream lace bodice outlined her perfectly proportioned torso. Satin ribbons held in place with tiny pearls laced up the corset back, and the floor length skirt of the dress flowed and twirled gracefully to reveal strappy three-inch heels and pink toenails. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a sleek bun at the base of her head, a platinum chain with a small diamond studded rose around her neck – the necklace Emmett had given her when they had graduated high school.

"I suppose it's alright…" Alice teased, checking each stitch, hem, and cut of the dress. "It's absolutely divine. I'm impressed." Kate and Charlotte, close friends of Rosalie's from college, nodded their approval. "Bella, what do you think?"

"You look gorgeous, Rose." She smiled in response, twirling slowly in front of the mirrors. "I'm in love… with the dress," she added slyly, the five of us giggling. Today was her day, and I was definitely not about to spoil it with my personal drama and problems, although I was beyond grateful when the sales associate handed me a flute of champagne.

Alice motioned to the bridesmaids' dresses she'd selected, handing us each a dress and pushing us towards the curtained fitting rooms. Stepping into the dressing room with the dress draped delicately over my arm, I tried desperately to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that said Edward might be at the wedding. At least with Alice in charge, I'd never have to worry about being put in some pastel yellow taffeta monstrosity with matching shoes and a hat.

The dress was gorgeous, a simplified version of Rosalie's dress. The lace bodice was a soft rose pink, with a thick satin ribbon around the waist that tied at the back. The chiffon skirt hit just below my knees and showed off the strappy white heels Alice had designated for us to wear.

A few minor adjustments were needed – lift the hem, take it in a little at the waist, but the dress was gorgeous. Rosalie smiled happily as the five of us posed for picture after picture, champagne glasses in all of our hands.

As the rest of the girls were being adjusted, Rosalie cornered me. "Alright Bella, cut the crap I know you better than that. That's your third glass of champagne and I've never seen you so agreeable at the prospect of shopping or trying things on. What's going on?" Was I really so transparent? Edward had always told me I was a terrible liar, but I didn't realize I was that bad. Every single freaking person in my life seemed to see right through me – it was getting beyond irritating.

"It's not important. Besides, today is your day, Rose."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, refusing to give up. "Oh shut up, Bella. Just tell me, you'll only drive me crazy with curiosity and worry if you don't. And _that_ will ruin my day."

I took a deep breath and drank the last sip of my champagne. Whenever I talked to Rosalie about Jake I had to choose my words extremely carefully; to say Rosalie and Jacob didn't get along was a massive understatement, and I always had to speak cautiously about him in order to not give her any more ammunition. "Jacob and I have been fighting." She smirked and snorted, a very unladylike reaction that earned her a surprised look from one of the elderly sales associates. "Shocker there. That's the big drama you were so worried to tell me?"

"Well, not quite. He wants more, and we keep having the same fight because he claims I'm still in love with Edward."

"And are you?" Rosalie's gaze was intent as she refilled both our champagne glasses; thank god I wasn't driving back. I sighed, sipping my champagne. "Would you stop loving Emmett just because he left you in the worst way possible and completely shattered your heart?"

She smiled sadly, resting her head against mine for a moment. "No, but I'd probably hunt him down and kill him before I spent the rest of my life unfulfilled and unloved. You should take a leaf out of my book, or whatever." I grinned back at her and rolled my eyes in response. Much to Esme's constant displeasure, eye rolling was something anyone who spent enough time around the Cullen boys picked up. To Emmett and Edward, responding to everything with eye rolling was practically a second language.

"Alice didn't want me to tell you yet, but I figure you should at least know. He's going to be at the wedding, Bella." She hesitated for a moment, as if not sure to continue. "And… he's bringing someone with him."

The drive home was long and silent, my look enough to tell Alice I didn't want to talk. My throat burned and eyes stung, and yet my tear ducts felt empty; hollowed out from six years of crying. It all made sense, excruciating, painful sense; I wasn't good enough for Edward but he had found someone who was. He had been too decent to tell me at the time, but now it all made sense. And he would be here. Staying at the Cullens' with his perfect new girlfriend. And I couldn't even avoid him because I was the stupid maid of honor… oh my god I was going to be sick.

"Alice pull over," I gasped, placing my hand over my mouth. _Please don't vomit in the Porsche, please don't vomit in the Porsche._ No questions asked, she switched lanes and pulled onto the shoulder, placing the car in park. Rain be damned, I sprang from the car, Alice holding back my now drenched curtain of hair as I threw up. Moments like that were when I knew she was undoubtedly my best friend; anyone who would stand in a downpour in designer clothes and hold back your hair while you vomited on the side of the freeway… definite keeper.

"Bet you're feeling a whole lot different about my flannel pajamas now," I managed to smirk, taking a mental photo of the image of Alice curled up in a snuggie and pair of my flannel pajamas on my couch, her hair damp and plastered around her face. "Tell anyone, and die," she grinned, much less threatening when dressed like a fourth grader at a slumber party.

Silence hung over us, and I could tell she was holding back from saying whatever was on her mind. Just as I was a poor liar, Alice's very expressive face often gave her intentions away.

"So Rosalie told you, then?" The question brought everything back up again, and I could feel my stomach churn in warning. I paused, taking a long sip of water before looking up at her. "Yes. Rosalie told me."

Alice pursed her lips nodding her head slowly. "I spoke to him yesterday. He sounds worse than you looked this morning." I narrowed my eyes at her, my stomach flip-flopping at the same time. "Thanks, Alice." I suppose it made sense, him sounding awful; he was probably dreading the prospect of seeing me, of introducing me to his perfect girlfriend and showing her how plain I was, how unworthy of his affection.

"I'm debating whether or not to tell you this…but I suppose it would be better if you find out now rather than in the moment. He has a kid, with this girl he met at Dartmouth or something, Tanya. She's just about five and a half." Her voice was barely a step above a whisper, and yet it felt as if she were shouting.

"Meaning that she was pregnant when he left me." The realization stung, biting at every nerve and fiber of my body. He had moved on so easily, built a life that didn't include me. Clearly our childhood plans meant nothing to him, and perhaps they never had. Maybe the whole thing had been a game, a game he eventually got bored with and couldn't pretend to be interested in anymore. Everything felt like a lie, every memory of Edward tainted. Had he ever wanted me?

"I'd say let's get really drunk… but I'd rather not witness you throw up again," she joked lightly, wrapping her arms tightly around me. "Bella… I know my brother's a complete ass, trust me, I know that better than anyone. But don't fade on me, okay? I need you here – Rosalie needs you here, we all do. You're my sister, and I'm here for you, no matter what, okay? Just remember all that." Alice's large blue eyes were sincere as she stared back at me. I had to hand it to her – despite being manipulative and occasionally terrifying, she knew how to turn on the doe eyes and reassure when necessary.

I hated it when she was right – which unfortunately for me was quite often. I had to pull it together and be here for my friends – they had been unwaveringly by my side without complaint for the last six years now, and the least I could do was be as close to a normal and functional human as was possible being for the damn wedding.

"Alright, I'll do my best." Her slender arms wrapped around my shoulders, and as crap as everything was, I was happy at least that despite Edward leaving, I still had Alice in my life.

###

March passed uneventfully and slowly, much as the first three months without Edward had. This time felt a little different, however. Instead of the fresh, raw pain I had felt the first time, this rejection was like pieces of glass left in a wound - irritating and painful at the same time. For once, I was more angry with him than hurt, or at least angry enough that I wasn't feeling the full extent of how hurt I really was.

But, really, how _could he_? After preaching over and over again about how he was raised with morals, he cheats on me his first year at college and his new girlfriend gets pregnant? Maybe we hadn't laid down specific rules about our very long distance relationship, but I'd kind of assumed 'don't cheat on the girl you claim to have been in love with your whole life by having sex with another girl you just met and get her pregnant' was a given.

"Bells!" Jacob's wide grin was enough to trigger a smile across my own face. Jacob had been out of the state for a mechanics conference for the past week, and it was a relief to have him back again. Another thing that made this time different from the last was that I hadn't had Jacob to bury myself in – I hadn't even been able to tell him about the Edward thing yet because he'd been gone.

He pulled me into a warm bear hug, squeezing me tightly. "Missed you."

"I missed you too… it's certainly… well it's certainly been quite the week, that's for sure." I had been debating back and forth about whether telling Jacob was the smartest idea… then again _not_ telling Jacob and letting him find out because he ran into Edward at the grocery store or something… incredibly not smart.

"So… I talked to Rosalie like a month ago." I began cautiously as he popped open a beer, lounging idly on the couch. Nice conversation starter, Bella.

His expression turned to slightly amused as he lifted an eyebrow. Yeah, so sometimes I was socially deranged – it had never bothered him before. "I'm sorry," he grinned, taking another sip. Jacob and Rosalie blatantly disliked each other, and made no attempt to hide their abhorrence for the other, despite how much they both claimed to love me – you'd think they could at least try. In fact, my entire group of friends were a bit standoffish to Jake, save for Jasper. Come to think of it, I couldn't really think of anyone Jasper didn't like – he'd always been very in tune to emotions, and tended to gravitate toward people with particularly strong emotions and feelings. "And what'd Blondie say?" he feigned interest, tone mocking as he spoke.

"Jake, I'm serious, it's important." I hesitated before continuing – I could still back out of telling him by making something else up. Too bad I was such a crap liar. "Alright so Rose… well, I guess it was more Emmett technically––"

"Edward's going to be at the wedding," he interrupted, voice edgy as he tightened his grip on the beer can. I saw the thin metal dent slightly at his grasp, and prayed silently he wouldn't continue to squeeze it any harder; I wasn't in any mood to scrub beer from my couch upholstery.

"Yeah, Edward is going to be at the wedding." I avoided Jake's eyes as I repeated his statement, fixing my gaze instead on the beer can in his hand. _Please don't explode all over my couch… _"I need you to be my friend right now. You don't have to worry, though. He has a girlfriend. And a kid," my voice choked on the last word, and instead of the anger I expected, Jacob stood up and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he whispered, gently patting my back.

Sleep didn't find me tonight, my mind too preoccupied going over how the next two months or so would be… a kid. He had a fucking _kid_. He'd been having sex with someone at Dartmouth while I waited for him at home, attending classes at Seattle U and awaiting those times he would call - the highlight of my week. Was she there when he'd called me? Would she giggle in the other room while he pretended to tell me he loved me, that I was the only one for him? That he was counting the days until summer when he would see me, graduation when we could finally be together always? Everything felt like a lie.

###

Starbucks latte tray in hand, I made my way through the crowded Port Angeles sidewalk, pushing the heavy glass door open with my shoulder. I had interned at Clearwater Publishing during my final year of college, and Seth, my bosses brother who I had shadowed in college, had pulled some major strings to get a spot in their already full intern program upon graduation.

"Thanks," I smiled as one of the people crammed inside held the elevator open for me, careful not to spill my precariously balanced coffee tray - balancing and hot liquids was a scenario that rarely went in my favor. "Floor five, please."

It wasn't the best job in the world – we weren't exactly publishing New York best sellers or anything and I wasn't making the big money, but it was a job. Renee's apartment got me out of paying rent, and the money I made went directly to gas, food, and other necessities, with a little left over at the end of each month for fun. In this economy, I certainly wasn't complaining. At least I wasn't in an unpaid intern program.

"You are a goddess," Eric grinned as I handed him his latte. Dressed in a pale pink dress shirt and striped navy tie, Eric had an undeniable sense for fashion. I had to remember to introduce him to Alice some day, although knowing him he'd be more interested in her boyfriend, Jasper.

I handed Ben his black coffee, Angela her caramel macchiato, and took a long sip of my vanilla latte. A glint of diamond caught my eye as it hit the light.

"You finally proposed!" I laughed, hugging Ben and nearly sending his coffee to the floor. The pair of them laughed, faces glowing. "Thanks, Bella." Ben and Angela had been together practically since she started working here, and he had been gearing up the past eight months waiting to propose. "Alright so, give me the details, how did it happen?" I leaned against my desk, waiting for the computer to boot up. "Well we were at dinner last night, and Ben was acting really strange, right? Like nervous and stuff and, Bella, it was so sweet…

"_Why can't we even talk about this?"_

_Edward sighed, leaning against the porch rail, arms crossed and expression slightly amused. "We have talked about this, Bella." _

_I sighed, shaking my head; how was it that he could be so unbelievably frustrating and dreamy at the same time? "Right, you were raised with morals, yada yada, I get it. How come Emmett was raised under the same roof and he's not sporting a padlocked chastity belt and preaching to Rose about the virtues of abstinence. Heck, I think even Alice––" _

_Edward held up his hand, a disgusted expression on his face. "As funny as the image of Emmett in a chastity belt is, you could have left out the part about Alice. I did not need to know that. Anyway, it's different with us. There's only a month left of summer and then I'm leaving for New Hampshire. I wouldn't want to give you the wrong impression by having us take that step, then me leave."_

_He looked at me with gentle eyes, attempting to dazzle me into forgetting all about our argument. I'd like to say it wasn't working but… when he turned those emerald eyes on mine it was hard to remember what I was even talking about. Oh, right. Sex._

"_Honestly, Edward, I feel like the guy in this relationship sometimes. I'm the one going on about sex, and you're the one who doesn't want it and says we need to wait." _

"_Ignoring the fact that you just potentially called me a girl," he stepped closer, arching an eyebrow. He looped his fingers through my front belt loops, pulling me close to him. Pressed against him, I could feel his erection straining against the denim fabric of his jeans. "Definitely not an issue of want, Bella, trust me on that." He chuckled, releasing me and pressing a kiss to my forehead. My entire body felt like it was on fire, heat pulsing through my veins._

"_So you're absolutely not changing your mind then."_

"_Well… I'd consider it under one condition." My shoulders lifted, eyes brightening at the prospect. Had I finally persuaded him to back down? My insides practically turned somersaults of joy at the prospect. "Anything." I would do anything to be that close to him, the way I had dreamed about this whole summer. Of course I would fall for the one guy probably in the entire world who didn't want to have sex._

"_Marry me first." Marry me… what now? My shoulders drooped back down to their defeated place, the pout returning to my lips. _

"_How about… anything but that." He laughed, placing his hands on either side of my crimson cheeks. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I ask you to marry me and you claim you'd rather do anything in the world but that" A bemused smirk lit up his face. Jerk, he knew I'd say no to that!_

"_Aside from the fact that Charlie would have a heart attack, Edward, I'm sixteen, which is not exactly the ideal marrying age – in fact, is it even legal to get married at sixteen, anyway?_

"_Not in Washington. But that wasn't what I meant, anyway." He dusted his thumb gently across my cheekbone, his touch gentle and sweet. "We'd be sort of engaged, until we're both done with college and ready to actually get married. Like a promise ring."_

"_Edward, please be serious." He chuckled again and moved his hands to firmly grip my shoulders. "I am one hundred percent serious, Isabella." He cupped his hands around mine, sinking to a kneel before me on the porch. He clutched my hand firmly as I began to squirm, feeling the heat spreading through my cheeks. _

"_Come on, get up – I don't know when the last time Charlie swept this porch was. Besides he could come outside at any second!"_

"_I'm not really concerned about dust, that's why we own a washing machine. And there's a game on television, so Charlie's not going anymore. Now, please be quiet and let me say what I want to say."_

"_Oh come on, you're not going to –" _

"_Humor me," he grinned._

"_Fine, but I'm not putting on a diamond." He rolled his eyes, muttering something like "figured as much" as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a simple silver band with a tiny diamond on it. _

"_It's cubic zirconia, it wasn't expensive, and it's simple. Now stop moving and making faces and listen to me." _

"…isn't the ring beautiful?" I smiled up at her over the makeshift cubicle wall, and couldn't help but glance at the stupid silver band I still wore on my left hand. I liked to tell myself it was stuck, that my fingers had grown just slightly enough to prevent it slipping off with ease but it was a lie. I just couldn't bring myself to remove it. "Yes, Ange, it really is gorgeous. I'm so happy for you guys."

I spent the first hour of my morning going through the 300 plus emails in my inbox, sorting the electronic submissions from the crap mail; on most days, it feels like for every one submission, I get at least 5 junk emails. As I continued on my deleting spree, an email from Alice towards the bottom caught my eye.

B -

Family dinner tonight at 7 – Esme would love it if you came.

Invite Jacob if you must.

- A

I knew without asking a dinner party at the Cullen's was the last thing on Jacob's of potential things to do tonight. Still, I called him anyway.

"Hey Bells," he answered, clanks of metal and machinery in the background behind him.

"Hi. Alice and Esme invited us over for dinner tonight. Interested?"

"I thought you and I had plans?" Crap, I'd completely forgotten I'd agreed to a movie night. Once a month or so, Jake and I put together nights that usually consisted of whatever six-pack of beer was on special at Raley's, microwavable popcorn, and whatever the latest blood and gore movie of the moment was. In the past six years I'd become an avid horror movie watcher just to avoid any kind of movie with a sappy romantic storyline that could remind me of Edward. Jacob, both a male and fan thriller movies anyway, wasn't exactly one to complain that I wasn't dragging him off to chick flicks and sappy romantic comedies. "We do, don't worry. I won't be there long; it's an early dinner. Afterwards I'm all yours."

"Alright, well I'm going to pass on the dinner invite, but I'll take you up on the afterwards. Besides, I think Sam mentioned something about Emily making a lasagna earlier." At least I could count on Jake to always hold true to the stereotype that guys "think with their stomachs."

Our conversation continued on lightly for a few more minutes, although I decided against mentioning Angela and Ben's engagement to Jake; with so many of my friends tying the knot as of late, I didn't want Jacob to get any grand ideas. I shot a quick email back to Alice, letting her know I that I would head straight over once I got off at work at five, and got back to work.

The rest of the day passed slowly, a series of meetings and a few minutes here and there to review a couple pages of one of the manuscripts on my ever growing list.

Once five pm hit I was out of there as fast as Alice's stupid stilettos could take me, shoving the priority manuscripts I had to finish looking over this weekend into my bag and slipping into my last season Burberry coat, another hand-me-down from Alice. Unbeknownst to my coworkers, most of my nice clothes were merely things from previous seasons Alice refused to wear any longer. The idea of actually spending half my paycheck on a coat made me sick to my stomach, but Alice's job and trust fund ensured she never had to worry. It was a win-win situation – she was happy because she claimed my clothing style no longer caused her physical pain, and I was happy because her gig as my personal stylist wasn't costing me severe chunks of my paycheck.

Keys in hand, I waved a quick goodbye to Eric before running for the elevator, earning a series of slightly irritated looks from a few of my co-workers already packed in. After a few seconds, however, we all filed out into the parking garage, mumbling goodbyes and waving. I could have sworn for a second Lauren Mallory had looked like she was considering tripping me – she hadn't liked me since freshman year of high school when Edward had turned her down repeatedly to hang out with me.

The truck sprang to life with a deafening roar, setting off two car alarms across the garage in the process. Cringing slightly, and hoping nobody had really noticed (they had), I cranked it into reverse and tapped the gas pedal lightly, maneuvering my way out of the parking space without casualties: a major feat in my monster of a car.

Debussy's Nocturne flitted through the radio Emmett had installed in my truck on my sixteenth birthday, barely audible above the combination of rain and my obnoxiously loud truck. Eyes glued to the road, I made a quick detour off the highway, running in and out of the mini-mart as quickly as possible to avoid getting completely soaked. A $6.99 bottle of wine wasn't much and certainly not up to the Cullen's standards, but it was better than showing up empty handed.

Under the thick overhang of trees on the road leading up to the Cullen's house, the rain barely fell, save for the occasional drop from a branch above. Here I always felt safe and protected, although it was hard to be at this house and not feel overwhelmed with memories and feelings. Parking my truck in front of the garage, I walked gingerly across the smooth driveway, careful not to slip in my death shoes.

Cream colored and three stories tall, the Cullen house – mansion, really – stood out beautifully against the backdrop of redwoods. An expansive porch stretched out from the door, white fencing and tall white columns wound in jasmine around the perimeter. The porch swing Edward and I had spent many lazy summer nights on hung to the right, the grey cushion faded with the years that had passed. This was the house of my childhood, the one I had spent more time exploring, playing, and eating at than my own.

"Bella, darling," Esme smiled, taking me into her arms. She looked beautiful as always, her caramel hair falling in soft waves over her delicate shoulders, heart shaped face bright and happy. You could see where Edward had acquired his hair color from, although his was a much more vivid hue than his mothers. The black sweetheart neckline and cameo around her neck gave her a timeless look that only she could pull off. Esme had always been the perfect mother when I was a child, the exact opposite from my mother. Where my mother had been chaotic and disorganized, Esme had always been neat and methodical, greeting us after school with fresh orange juice and cookies.

"It's so nice to see you again, Bella," Carlisle greeted me, taking my coat from me and hanging it on the antique coat rack, already weighed down with Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett's coats. He took the bottle of wine from my hand, smiling as he shook his head.

"You should know you don't have to bring anything."

"And you should know I always will anyway. Besides, it's nothing special, don't worry," Esme pulled me into another hug, her smile radiating, and I instantly felt guilty for not visiting as much recently. "I appreciate you inviting me."

"Of course we invited you, dear, it _is_ a family dinner, after all." Beneath their dazzling smiles, the same sadness touched their eyes for a moment and I knew their thoughts had turned to Edward. Esme had been absolutely beside herself when he had up and left, and I knew how much it killed her not to have her family all together, safe and sound.

"Hey, Swan, how about you get in here and help," Emmett's booming voice called from the kitchen; some things never changed. My heels clicked against the whitewashed wood floors as I headed for the kitchen. Their house was gorgeously decorated, the kind of house you expected to see in a movie, not spend your childhood playing in. Esme's skills as an interior decorator shone throughout the house – one day I'd have to let her come over and redecorate my kitchen. Passing the living room, I willed myself not to look at the grand piano in the far corner, dust settling on the top from no one playing it in years.

Alice mocked wiping a tear from her cheek as I stepped into the kitchen. "Look at you, all dressed nicely and coordinated," she teased, greeting me with a quick one-armed hug. Emmett grinned, butcher knife in hand as he pulled me into a bone-crunching hug. "Er, Emmett, no offense but I'd rather you not hug me while holding incredibly sharp objects."

He grinned down at me, adding to the overall terror of the situation. "Why? I'm not you – the probability of me dropping it in comparison is significantly less."

_Jerk_.

"Where's your boyfriend, Bells?" Rose smirked, arching a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. She sat cross-legged on the marble countertop, peeling potatoes and looking model-esque simultaneously. "He's not my boyfriend, and he's having dinner elsewhere," I replied quickly, searching for the corkscrew. Esme had a bad habit of constantly redecorating and moving things around – you could never count on the kitchen drawers to hold the same contents as they had the last time you'd opened them.

"I'm sure," Rose scoffed, stirring a large pan of chicken over the stove. "More like he was too scared to have din – "

"Bella, mind helping me set the table?"

I mouthed a silent thank you to Jasper as I grabbed a stack of napkins and cutlery. As far as emotions went, Jasper had an excellent knack for assessing situations and judging ones mood and feelings. He had always just been very perceptive, I suppose. Jasper grabbed the placemats and a few wine glasses, and together we headed into the large dining room, setting the table for seven. The empty chair where Edward would have sat loomed in the corner, another reminder of his absence.

"So, how have you been, Bella?" When Jasper asked, it always felt different than a casual "so how are things?" kind of question. Instead, it felt like he knew exactly how I felt, and answering it fully would drain the life out of me. So I shrugged a shoulder, setting aside the eighth napkin I'd grabbed merely out of habit. "I'm getting by. You know how it is." He nodded thoughtfully, eyeing the extra napkin.

Edward's departure had been hard on Jasper as well; growing up the two had been close friends. But unlike me, Jasper had Alice – Edward _was _my Alice, so to speak, and while Jacob tried to fill the void, the puzzle pieces didn't quite match up.

"You know he loved you Bella, right? I don't understand why he did what he did, but I do know that. You were all he talked about." His intentions were kind, but at the moment Jasper's words were twisting a blunt blade through my insides. "Jasper… I can't go there," I sighed, smiling softly as he placed a hand on my shoulder in reassurance.

Everything in the kitchen was quiet when I walked back in, grabbing a stack of plates and balancing them on my arm. "Oh shut up, Emmett," I began teasingly, trying to clear some of the tension. "I waited tables in college I can handle some plates." But instead of a cunning remark, or at least a snicker, it remained quiet and tense.

"You guys, seriously what's going on…"

I swiveled to look at the living room, where the rest of them were facing and froze. A shock of copper hair, a glint of green, and all eight plates fell to the wooden floor, breaking into fragments of porcelain around my feet.

Edward was home.

* * *

**A/N: **So, Edward is back, and earlier than expected. What could this mean? I'm sorry this chapter took longer to post than I expected - exams took up a lot of time. However, I have the third chapter half way done, and should be able to post it within the next day or so. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and please pass along Missing pieces to your friends!


	3. Much Too Much

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, however much I wish, although the ideas and storylines in this fic are mine.**

**Thanks so much to those who added Missing Pieces to their story alerts and for the reviews!**

* * *

Piercing green eyes locked on mine, a thousand emotions I couldn't understand filtering through his eyes. He looked the same, aging just a little since six years ago when I'd last seen him. Highly defined cheekbones told me he had lost weight, unhealthily it seemed, and his lower lids were rimmed with deep purple marks. Underneath this, however he was still Edward – still indescribably gorgeous, effortlessly perfect. Even my clearest memories hadn't done him justice. The sleeves of his navy blue sweater were pushed up to his elbows to reveal muscular forearms, wrinkles in the fabric an indication of what must have been a long flight.

It didn't mater that his entire family stood frozen in their places, or that porcelain plate chunks littered the floor around my feet, I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. The potential of hearing his voice, seeing that lopsided smile, of touching him… I was digging my own grave. My heart was beating embarrassingly loudly, threatening to burst through my ribcage any second.

And then the sound of tiny feet running across the floor, small arms wrapping around his legs changed everything. My eyes moved down, locking on the blue eyes of what appeared to be his daughter. She had a round face and tangled brown hair, freckles dotted across her nose. At least she didn't have red hair and green eyes – that might have killed me.

"Edward, Maggie's exhausted, I'd love to get her up to bed…"

All legs, blue eyes, and strawberry blonde hair, there was no doubt Edward's girlfriend was gorgeous – and nothing like me at all. Just as Jacob was my anti-Edward, she was the anti-me, a stinging reminder of how dissatisfied Edward must have been with our relationship. She bent forward to unwrap Maggie's arms from around Edward, taking her tiny hand in hers. Surprisingly, no diamond glinted on her finger.

"Guest room is the third room up the stairs," he replied, eyes still locked on mine. "Thanks, Tanya." He stiffened as she pressed her rose colored lips to his cheek, Esme casting an apologetic look my way from across the room before following Tanya upstairs. I couldn't be mad at her, she was too good a person to take sides in all this. As far as she was concerned her son was home and she needed to act a good hostess.

My eyes began to sting, throat closing as water peppered my vision. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_. I broke my gaze with Edward, Rosalie's hand brushing against mine as she stepped forward with the broom.

"Here, let me do that. I'm _so _sorry…"I began, Rosalie merely shaking her head as she swept the shards into a pile. Emmett was at her side then with a dustpan, casting a worried look in my direction.

"I'll just… I'm going to just get something from my truck."

"Bella, wait…" the same velvet voice that used to make my heart beat into a frenzy twisted and pulled at my insides now, pushing the knife in deeper. I hadn't been ready for this, hadn't had enough time to prepare – Alice said he wasn't coming home for another couple of weeks, at least. Of course he would show up early and catch me off guard – such was my life.

The porch steps were cold as I sat down, resting my head against the tall column beside me, but I didn't care. Ten thousand things were racing through my brain, and it was hard to decide if I was angrier that he'd come home early or more hurt to catch a glimpse of his new life, his new family. The door closed softly behind me, Edward's messy auburn hair coming into view as he sat down beside me. His hand reached out momentarily as if to touch me but he deliberated, hanging awkwardly in the space between us before he pulled it back.

"Bella I'm so sorry. I can't even… I honestly don't know where to begin –" I held up my hand to stop him, shaking my head.

"I can't do this right now." Brushing off my skirt, I stood up and gripped the railing for support, dead set on making it to my car without falling and further embarrassing myself; I'd already broken Esme's entire plate set.

"Bella, please. Can we just talk? I need to explain everything." He was behind me again, placing a steadying hand on my shoulder as I stepped away from the porch.

His touch was cold, exactly as I'd remembered it, a thousand neurotransmitters lighting up exactly where his fingers touched. A shock of electricity shot through my veins, the reality of Edward's touch so much stronger than the memories. When Edward touched me I felt alive, a feeling that hadn't been mine in over six years.

He pulled me to him and the familiar reflexes and feelings fell into place, the urge to want to turn around and wrap my arms around his middle, burying my face against the hollow of his neck to take in his comforting smell of mint and cologne. I was going to be heartbroken later anyway, might as well enjoy the few seconds before the pain would hit.

In his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he still wanted me, or that he ever had. I couldn't bring myself to think of his motivations now – about whether he acted this way to calm me down, if he just felt guilty and thought that pretending a little for my sake would help him sleep tonight. Maybe the six years apart had been enough that I didn't bore him for the moment, that he didn't remember how plain and ordinary I was. If I had it my way, I would have just stayed here forever; I was so much happier pretending.

But I didn't, and I couldn't pretend any longer. Edward had a girlfriend and daughter waiting for him inside, and as much as I craved my fantasy, and my body and mind begged to indulge it by staying in his arms, I couldn't pretend any longer.

I closed my eyes and the tears that had been hovering threateningly along my eyelashes slid down my cheeks. "I can't do this. I have to go." He let go of me as I turned and bee-lined for my truck, refusing to look back at him.

"You left your coat and everything inside—"

"Doesn't matter. I'll get it later. I just need to go."

"Are you okay to drive?" Since the age of four, Edward had treated me as if I were so easily breakable, so fragile.

"I'm not the fragile sixteen year old anymore, you know. I've been through a thing or two since you left," my words were sharper than I intended, although in the moment I didn't care. Lips pursed, he watched as I slammed the rusted door of my truck closed and threw the gear into drive, desperate to get away from the Cullen house as fast as possible. When I chanced a glance in the rearview mirror, Edward had gone.

I ground my foot into the gas pedal, pushing it as close to the floor as it would allow. My truck groaned in protest, the needle barely hovering above 55 mph. The one time I actually wanted to drive fast, and of course my stupid car wouldn't let me.

Dialing Jake's number, I waited for the voicemail to click in, the six rings proceeding drawn out slowly. It felt like everything was moving at half speed while I tried to go double time and the frustration was enough to send me over the edge.

"Jake, it's Bella." I tried to calm my voice and sound as normal as possible. "We're going to have to rain check for tonight… I think I'm coming down with something. I left the Cullens' early. Have fun at Emily's though." Okay so, lying to Jake sucked. But I so couldn't go there right now, especially over voicemail. And I knew the minute I told him he'd rush over to my house, and all I wanted to do was take two Tylenol PM and sleep the rest of my life away. Or something like that.

The drive home passed quickly, much to my relief. Barely conscious of anything, I let myself into the apartment and headed straight for the bedroom, dropping my work clothes on the floor and pulling on a pair of cotton shorts and a tank top before heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Still light outside and barely past seven o' clock, I took two Tylenol PM and padded across the carpet, burrowing under the covers and letting myself get lost in what was for once, a dreamless sleep.

###

The smell of coffee woke me up sixteen hours later, the digital alarm reading 11:25. Groggy and half-awake – the pills had worked magically – I slid out of the bed and splashed a bit of water on my face before heading for the stairs.

It was like, sick, twisted déjà vu allover again. There was Edward at my dining room table, coffee mug in hand as he scanned a newspaper. My stomach knotted, last nights anger flaring up again. He glanced up, vivid green eyes catching me off guard as he greeted me with a half-hearted crooked smile.

"Coffee?" He pointed to the mug across the table from him as I eyed him suspiciously. "I tried to call… a few times actually, but your phone was off. The backdoor was unlocked," he offered as I sat down, taking a sip from the steaming hot mug.

"No milk or sugar?" he looked surprised as I shook my head, still eyeing him warily. I wasn't ready to pretend as if nothing had happened and we could go back to being friends. Too much had happened, and I wasn't even sure friends was an option that I could live with.

"No. I'm more of a black coffee drinker these days." A long silence elapsed, neither of us quite sure what to say. Having him there in front of me was so strange, foreign even. It was as if the Edward I had known before he left was an entirely different person than was here now. I missed the first one, hated the second for what the first had done.

"The kitchen's different," he offered, setting down the newspaper and leaning back in his chair. He looked the epitome of calm, leaning back in my chair with his mouth relaxed into an easy smile, charcoal sweater pushed up to his elbows. Edward had always been so careful to present a certain image, impeccably good about controlling his facial expressions. The only giveaway was how still he was, something he did whenever he was stressed.

"A lot of things are different."

"I thought you hated yellow."

"I do." He looked slightly frustrated at my short sentence answers, but really what did he expect? That he could just pop back into my life whenever he pleased and act like everything was the same? It wasn't, and I wasn't the same person I had been. I wasn't about to play catch up like everything was fine and nothing had changed. "Renee decorated it."

"And how is Renee? I drove past the Yoga Studio on my way, but it was boarded up."

"Yup."

"Did she lose the space?" he continued to pry, obviously trying hard to start a conversation between us.

"She died."

He looked taken aback, dropping his calm and collected composure to look at me in shock. "Like I said, a thing or two has happened since you left."

"What? Why? What happened?" I felt slightly bad for mentioning it so bluntly – while Renee had been absent for a good chunk of my childhood, Edward had always gotten along with her well. If he had mentioned something had happened to his family so bluntly I'd probably faint.

"She was diagnosed with lung cancer, ironically. That's why she bought the apartment my freshman year, although she didn't tell me until a month or so after you left. It's been quite a harsh past couple of years."

"I'm so sorry." His facial expression was flat, voice drained in guilt. I avoided looking at him, wanting desperately to keep up my unaffected demeanor and not have a repeat breakdown in front of him like last night.

"Don't be, it's not your problem. You don't have to concern yourself with my problems anymore." I wanted to appear strong and unaffected to Edward despite his girlfriend and child being here. Even if the reality was not so, I wanted him at least to think it was.

"Is that what you really think? I suppose I deserve it, although it's hard to believe nonetheless. Your problems are my problems – they've always been. And I came here to return your coat and talk to you."

"Well, you stopped making my problems yours when you walked out on me, Edward. And no offense, but I'm not really in the mood to talk right now."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I deserve all of this, don't get me wrong. But you need to hear what I have to say, Bella. Just hear me out, that's all, and then I'll leave you alone if that's really what you want."

What I wanted? Since when had he cared anymore about what I wanted? Fuming, I picked up my coffee mug and walked into the kitchen, slamming it unceremoniously into the sink. I was acting like a baby, I knew that, but I didn't know how to act around him anymore. I couldn't pretend not to be angry, and I couldn't show him how hurt I really was.

I knew without looking he had followed me in; I could feel his eyes on my back as I leaned over the sink. "I don't know what I want."

"I just need you to know I didn't leave because I wanted to. Please believe me when I tell you I thought by just leaving I was preventing you from getting hurt." I snorted, crossing my arms across my chest protectively as I leaned against the counter top. "I love you, Bella. Just believe me." He walked across the kitchen, reaching for my hand.

"Believe you? How could I possibly believe you now, Edward? How would I know you're not lying to me?" Flailing, my unbalanced fist hit his right shoulder; he didn't even have the decency to flinch or pretend it hurt. But his face certainly looked shocked; well what had he expected? Me to run back into his arms, blubbering about how much I'd missed and loved him? I'd grown somewhat of a backbone since I was 16.

Hitting him felt good, as if I was finally releasing anger on the person who deserved it. Not hurting me, Jacob, or anyone else, but Edward. Maybe I'd turn into one of those psycho women who beat her husband… no. I had to stop watching so many late night crime shows.

I continued to hit him until he grabbed me, pulling me close to him with his death lock arms. He held me to him, overwhelming my senses with his smell and touch until I finally stilled. Then he stepped back and held me in place at an arms distance, hands firmly locked on my shoulders, shaking me gently.

"Bella I am here, and I love you, okay? _I love you_. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second I was away. Lying to you, telling you I didn't want you, that you weren't good for me?" Pain was etched across his face, and I couldn't lie to myself and pretend it wasn't there; I knew him too well. "Telling you those things was the worst thing I've ever done, the worst thing I'll ever do, and you have to believe me when I tell you I only did it because I thought telling you what had happened would be more painful. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew I had to convince you I no longer loved you so you could get on with your life."

I felt myself go limp, grateful his grip was holding me up. My brain was effectively mush, everything he'd said impossible to comprehend and understand. This was the part where I was supposed to whisper that I loved him back, wrap my arms around him and he would lean in and kiss me… mmm kissing Edward…

Shut up, Bella. I couldn't – I wouldn't – do that to myself.

"Does Tanya know you're here?" He sighed, loosening his grip on my shoulders.

"Yes." He frowned, removing his hands completely as he took a step away from me. "That's all you can say after everything I told you?"

I shook my head, clinging to the sleeves of my sweater. "I can't do this, Edward. Just… I can't."

"Bella, I love you. Don't you see—"

"Please," I whispered back, shaking my head. "Don't do this to me. If I let myself hope and it comes to nothing… that would kill me. I can't go through what I went through when you left the first time again. You have Tanya, and you have Maggie. You made your decision a long time ago, and we both have to live with it now."

He nodded, lifting his hand slowly to brush his thumb across my cheekbone. "Okay. The least of my intentions is to cause you further pain. There's so much I wish I could tell you…" he sighed, shaking his head as he gathered his jacket from the back of my dining room chair. "Just know I never meant for any of this, okay? This is the last direction I ever saw my life going."

###

"Then what'd he say?" Rosalie was leaning forward over her burger, eyes wide.

I shrugged my shoulder, twirling a tomato around my plate with my fork. "Nothing. He left."

"He left?"

"Er, yeah. There wasn't really anything else to say."

"But I thought you were still in love with him, Bella. That's what you said at the dress fitting." I sighed exasperatedly, spearing the tomato with my fork. "I am. Doesn't change the fact he has a leggy blonde girlfriend and a kid, though."

"Oh please, Bella. Did you know they're sleeping in separate rooms?" My shoulders perked up at this information, Rosalie smirking when I abandoned my uninterested façade.

"Probably just out of politeness to Esme," I shrugged, attacking another tomato with my fork.

"Nope. She made up the guestroom for all three of them. Edward chose to sleep in his old room."

"Yes well, don't forget Edward's morals and all that," I replied sarcastically, Alice raising an eyebrow at me from across the table. I still wasn't over that one – I had gone along with his stupid marriage thing, a HUGE deal for me just to finally get to be close with him. And then he runs off to New Hampshire and has a baby with the first girl he sees.

"Or, they're not getting along. She didn't have a ring on her finger, if you didn't notice." I had noticed, not that it really mattered. Kid trumped ring.

"Maybe there's more to it then we know," Alice added, gingerly sipping her iced tea. "Maybe we don't know the whole story yet."

Rosalie turned on her then, leaving me to my salad. "Alright, out with it, Alice, what do you know?"

"I don't know anything more than you two do, I'm just saying. Maybe we should lay off until we know the whole story." Alice's firm look told us to let it go, although Rosalie and I exchanged looks across the table. I couldn't help but think back to Edward's statement of 'There's so much I wish I could tell you…' What exactly had he meant by that? It wasn't like Alice to withhold information, but then again he was her brother.

Not even glancing at the check, Alice handed the waiter her card before any of us had the chance to complain. "My treat. You're getting married," she pointed to Rosalie, smiling. "And you're going through hell. It's the least I can do," she teased, signing the receipt with a quick flick of her hand.

I slipped Alice's recently rejected last season Chanel glasses onto my face as we stepped out of the café, the sun actually shining. Sure, there were rain clouds threatening to strike at any second, but I welcomed the moment of sunshine.

We lazed through the Port Angeles streets, window shopping and gossiping. Thankfully Rosalie had dropped the topic of Edward, and moved on instead to probing Alice about when her and Jasper were going to get engaged.

"We'll see," was all she replied, the light trace of a smile touching her lips as she stepped into Bloomingdales. "We will when we want to. We already know we have each others hearts forever, marriage seems somewhat trivial at this point."

"Well isn't that cute, although I admit I do love my Harry Winston diamond a little too much to have settled for not getting engaged. But that's where we differ," Rosalie replied, Alice laughing softly as the three of us stepped onto the escalator.

"Works for me, it means I get to design an extravagant wedding," she grinned, making a beeline for the dress section as always, Rosalie and I tagging along behind her.

"Just wear this and he won't even remember he has a kid, Bella," Rosalie teased, holding up a skin-tight, black mini-dress and wiggling her eyebrows. "Great, I'll wear it to the wedding." She grinned, sticking her tongue out at me as she hung it back on the rack.

The two of them then went off to look at lingerie while I continued to thumb through the racks of dresses, uninterested in lingerie shopping when I didn't exactly have anyone to show off lingerie to.

"I don't see why we had to come all the way out here so early, Edward. Or even come at all," a girl at the far dress rack started, flipping through a series of BCBG dresses.

"Because, Tanya, my brother is getting married. It's kind of important."

I froze, eyes widening. They hadn't seen me yet, so naturally I did the only thing that seemed logical at the moment – ducked behind a rack of sale dresses.

"I don't see why. You haven't exactly kept in contact the past six years." I could picture Edward perfectly, still as a statue, his expression flat and tense. "Besides, it's hard on Maggie being so far from home…"

"Hardly, she seems to be having a great time with my parents. Can you just pick a dress, please?"

"Don't rush me. Why couldn't we have just come for the weekend of the wedding? I still don't understand why we had to come out here so early."

"Because, Tanya, I have things to take care of. And, aside from that, I need to be here for my brother. I want to be involved with my family again."

"Can't we stay at a hotel?" I crawled backwards carefully as Tanya began looking through racks closer to us, hiding behind another display of gowns.

"No, I am not looking to insult my mother by staying at a hotel. As I said before we left, however, you're not under obligation to be here. If you'd rather stay at a hotel that's your prerogative, although if that's the case I think it's better Maggie stays with me."

"No, we need to be a family."

"We're hardly a family, Tanya."

They continued to argue, leaving me stuck behind the stupid rack and earning my fair share of strange looks from fellow shoppers. Soon, it was quiet, which I assumed meant Tanya had finally selected a dress or two to try on, providing my escape. I stood up, brushing off my jeans before slinging my purse over my shoulder, freezing as someone cleared their throat behind me.

"Hear anything interesting?"

So. Busted. I could recognize Edward's velvet voice anywhere; already see his face lit up with one of his trademark-amused smirks. He stood leaning idly against one of the racks beside me, looking more like an advertisement from a high fashion magazine than a regular person. Embarrassed, and no doubt crimson faced now, I pretended to be extremely busy looking for something in my purse.

"No. I dropped my… earring."

"Really?" He offered, still smirking. "Because you seem to be wearing two."

"It was a different – I have to go."

"Bella, wait—"

"All done!" Tanya's voice interrupted as she sidled up next to Edward, the dress Rose had teased me about buying draped over her arm. "Honestly, I just couldn't choose."

She shot me a fake smile, and I did my best to shoot one back. Edward would no doubt see right through it, but that wasn't my problem.

"Right so, I should go. Alice and Rosalie are looking for me," I responded lamely, desperate for an out. Tanya curled her fingers around his protectively, continuing to beam unnaturally at me.

"It was great to see you, Bella. Hopefully we'll get a chance to chat and get to know each other at the Cullen's soon." I made for the escalator as fast as I could, finding Rosalie and Alice upstairs looking at chemises.

"Holy crap, what happened to you? You're practically a tomato you're so red." Ever grateful to Rose for bluntly pointing out the obvious, I urged them out of the store and back onto the sidewalk, the overcast sky having finally blocked out my sunlight.

"That bitch. 'Hopefully we'll get the chance to chat and get to know each other…' like hell you will," Rosalie scoffed, reaching into her bag for the keys to her red BMW convertible.

"I don't trust her," Alice offered, eyebrows knit in a look of concern. "There's something shady about her."

"Yeah, and they're not exactly the happy couple, are they?"

Alice continued to frown as the three of us piled into the car, the first few drops of rain hitting the windshield. Jason Mraz hummed through the speakers, although I was too consumed in everything that had happened the past few days to really notice. Everything was so confusing, and there were such huge holes missing in the story. Edward claimed he still loved me, that he'd never stopped, and yet he'd slept with Tanya in the first place. And, like she had asked, why was he back so early? And what were those things he wanted to tell me what couldn't? Trying to comprehend all of this was going to give me a freaking brain aneurysm.

In any case, I had a lot to think about.

* * *

**A/N:** Hmmm, what's all this stuff Edward wishes he could tell Bella? Does Alice know something? And what is the deal with Tanya?

As always reviews are appreciated and loved - let me know what you thought of chapter 3, and look for chapter 4 to be posted within the next week or so!


	4. Didn't We Almost Have It All?

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, however much I wish, although the ideas and storylines in this fic are mine.**

**Thanks so much to those who added Missing Pieces to their story alerts and to those who reviewed!**

* * *

"Hellooo? Dad?" My voice echoed through the house, the hum of the television in the other room the only response. Grocery bags in hand, I dropped my keys on the hall table, leaning against the living room doorframe.

In all my life, my dad hadn't changed one bit. The house was the exact same as it had been when my parents bought it sometime in the 80's. It was oddly comforting, in some way, to have one thing remain a constant when everything else had been so dramatically all over the place. Just as I would have expected, he sat propped up in his old orange recliner, beer in one hand, bowl of chips on the table beside him, eyes glued to the screen; the same way I always found him when a game was on. "What's the score?"

Baseball was one of those rare subjects we could almost communicate about – in fact, it was, in his eyes, Edward's only redeeming quality that he had taught me to play when we were younger. "Mariners are up one, but just barely – Hernandez isn't having a great game," he grunted, glancing up at the shopping bags in my hand. "You didn't have to go shopping, Bells. I can look after myself."

I arched an eyebrow at him in response, ignoring him as I headed into the kitchen. My father and cooking were an equation that never went well together, whether it be congealed spaghetti bricks or mushy broccoli. If I let him shop for himself, he'd live off calorie-packed frozen foods and meals at the diner. Besides, anyone in their right mind knew better than to trust my father in the kitchen.

"Bacon cheeseburgers at the diner aren't going to do any good for your heart, Dad. Whoa –" The fridge was already stocked with vegetables, unexpired milk, bread, pasta sauce… had I already gone shopping and forgotten? It was possible; my brain was such a flurried mess these days it had taken everything in me just to remember what exactly I was buying at the grocery store.

Not running into Edward since the department store disaster had allowed me to slip into a happy, comfortable place of denial – although I still had many unanswered questions. I had switched quite radically from letting him consume my entire life to simply pretending he didn't exist – or at least I told myself I had. The reality of things was that I wouldn't survive in a world where Edward Cullen didn't exist. It was sad, but very, very true.

"Well, Sue's been staying over at the house a lot… and we're almost in that stage of our relationship where –"

"Ah, Dad, need to know basis. It's fine, I'll just start calling before I bring you groceries. Or come over." I would no longer be able to turn up to my childhood home unannounced at any hour of the day – God knows what I could walk in on.

Charlie's cheeks flushed crimson in embarrassment, eyes fixing back on the television as he muttered something unintelligible under his breath. My father was emotionally stunted, something I blamed mostly on my mother divorcing him and running off to Arizona, then returning years later only to tell us she had cancer and was refusing chemotherapy. He cleared his throat and leaned back in the old recliner before switching the subject.

"So what are you all dressed up for, anyway? Got a date?" The hopeful glint in his eyes was unmistakable – if my disconnected, middle-aged father was now concerned I'd die a lonely spinster with cats, there was little hope left in the world.

"No, thank you very much, Esme's hosting a pre-wedding dinner party thing for Emmett and Rosalie, since most of their family is in town now."

"You could invite Jake as your date."

It took everything in me not to roll my eyes in response – my dad was a hardcore supporter of Jacob Black, especially when it came to the notion of me one day marrying him. To say it was irritating was certainly the understatement of the year.

"For the ten trillionth time, Dad, Jake and I are not dating. And I think the last thing he would want to do was spend an evening with the Cullen family."

"Well you can't blame him there," Charlie muttered, changing the channel to check the football scores.

"Why do you have to be so rude? Esme and Carlisle have been nothing but kind to you. And you adore Alice."

"What about him? Is he back for this wedding?" I avoided Charlie's piercing questioning glare, fiddling with the silver bracelet around my wrist. "Yes."

"I hope you're not –"

"He brought his girlfriend and kid along too, so no worries there. Really, just let it go." Charlie's face shifted from determined anger to confusion to upset back to anger as he thought over what I had just told him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to have him arrested?" He eyed his gun holster handing from the coat hooks in the hall. Had I been naïve enough to believe he was completely kidding, I would have laughed. Combining his position as head of police and his dislike for Edward, however, I wasn't about to take any chances.

"Er, no. Just… drop the Jake thing."

"Not in a million years, Bells. Have fun at your party."

###

The pathway to the back garden was lined with thousands of tiny white fairy lights, white roses floating along the surface of the pond. In the center of the backyard was a white canopy, white tablecloths covering tables filled with hors d'oeuvres on platters. Women in summer dresses and men in khaki's and white button downs were scattered across the yard engaged in various conversations – I felt as if I were walking into the scene of a movie, not into a party in the backyard I had spent most of my childhood running around in.

"Bella, dear, you look just lovely. Thank you so much for coming." Beautiful as always, Esme looked effortlessly picturesque in a white eyelet lace blouse and lavender a-line skirt, pulling me into the same warm greeting hug I always received from her.

"Everything looks beautiful, Esme. I'm assuming this is your work?" The scenery was magical, the kind of pre-wedding party I would have run screaming from, but elegant and extravagant was right up Rosalie's street.

"Yes, well, you are too kind." Across the yard, Rosalie, bright and striking in red, was engaged in a conversation with her parents, her arm draped loosely around Emmett's midsection.

My eyes drifted to the right, resting on Edward, casually gorgeous in khakis with the sleeves of his white button up pushed to his elbows. Was it really fair for someone to have such smoldering eyes? A thin band of dark green rimmed his vivid pepper grass irises, long, smoky eyelashes setting them off. The corner of his lip lifted slightly, settling into the slightly lopsided smile that could send my heart into arrhythmia and cloud my judgment.

"Hi Auntie Bella!" Edward's face froze in shock as two small hands tugged gently at the waistband of my sky blue dress and every bone, ligament, membrane in my body went rigid. Suddenly the entire party felt extremely quiet, and my feet felt rooted into the lawn. _Auntie_? What the…

"Isn't she just the cutest? I figured you wouldn't mind the nickname…" Tanya, a vision in magenta, had appeared in front of me, scooping Maggie up into her stick thin, perfectly tanned arms. Her pale blue eyes met mine, her smile icy and fake; she was trying to get to me, and clearly at this point, she was winning. She pursed her lips, giving me one last haughty look before traipsing across the lawn in what looked to be incredibly impractical, 4 inch strappy sandals with a stiletto heel.

"You look like you could use a champagne… or ten," Rosalie offered, shoving the crystal champagne flute into my empty hand.

"Oh, I need something stronger than this." I tipped the carbonated liquid into my mouth, shivering slightly as the bubbles tickled down my esophagus. Placing the empty flute on one of the smartly dressed waiter's trays, I instantly reached for another.

"Well, sadly this isn't a frat party and your options are either flavored mineral water or champagne." Rose paused, trading in her usual sarcasm for a gentler tone. "She's trying to get to you, Bella. Please dear God, don't give her the satisfaction."

"I'm not. I'm just going to get really, really drunk and eventually, if all goes according to plan, I'll be so drunk I won't even notice, let alone care, that she's here." It seemed like a fairly solid plan to me, or at least the best chance I had to get through the party at any rate.

Dinner passed with relatively little drama – the champagne was creating a faint blur to my surroundings, making everything all that much more manageable. The only downside, however, was that Alice and Jasper seemed to have planted themselves at my side on Bella-Drink-Watch, Alice forcing stuffed olives, salad, cheese, grilled chicken breast… anything she could get her hands on, down my throat to get some food in my stomach and sober me up.

"I don't know why you're trying to spoil all my fun, you know. You could just give it up and drink with me."

"You'll thank me later, Bella," she sighed, taking advantage of my speech to stuff another piece of chicken in my mouth.

"I was just called 'Auntie Bella,' Alice. By my ex-fiancé's – who I'm still pathetically in love with by the way – daughter who was conceived while he was still my unex-fiancé. Oh and his almost wife, or whatever? Wants my head on a platter. Head-on-platter. So I'm allowed to drink."

It was a testament to our long standing friendship that Alice nodded and handed me back my champagne glass, taking a long sip from her own at the same time. "Alright, just stay out of trouble and don't do anything Rosalie would kick your ass for later."

Evening turned to dusk, dusk to dark, the fairy lights wound through the trees and jasmine bathing the yard in warm, surreal light. Somehow, it had not rained, and the night air was just chilly enough to be curbed by a light sweater. The guests begun to file out slowly over the next hour while Alice, Jasper, and I sat haphazardly around one of the round lawn tables, champagne bottle cradled in my arms. Finally, Rosalie and Emmett were able to abandon their posts at the gate thanking everyone, and join us.

"…and then, remember the time… this one's a classic…"

"Jesus Christ, the minute free booze and food is offered it takes forever to get people out of here." Rose sank into the chair beside me, grabbing the champagne bottle from my arms before my slow reflexes could figure out how to kick in and prevent it. "What happened to Bella babysitting? She looks like she can barely see straight, let alone stand."

"She needed it. I wasn't about to deny her that," Alice slurred lightly, curled into a ball in her chair. Tinier than I was, Alice's drink tolerance flitted barely above two standard glasses of champagne.

"If Chief Swan could see you now…" Rosalie smirked, taking another swig of champagne.

"Shuddup." I yawned, an overwhelming sense of exhaustion almost ruling out the spinning scenery before my eyes. I lifted my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to make the spinning go away – it didn't work.

"Esme set up the second floor guest room for you, Bells. I can help you up…" Emmett stood, stretching his muscular arms before offering his hand to me.

"Oh that's okay, she didn't have to I'll be fi—" The moment I stood all the blood rushed to my head in a second and I instantly fell back down into the chair, pressing my palm to my forehead.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Come on, I'll help you up." Emmett pulled me gently but firmly to my feet, supporting my weight and steering me towards the French double doors that lead to the living room.

"Hey, you know what?"

Obviously amused, he arched an eyebrow and shook his head slowly. "Let me guess, you're really drunk?"

"Well yeah, but no, that wasn't what I was going to say. I just noticed what you smell like. Like blackberries, sandalwood, and cinnamon."

"You really are drunk."

"No, seriously, you do! Edward's different. He smells like honey, lilac and… sun. And sometimes peppermint."

"Sun has a smell?" Large hands clasped on both my shoulders as Emmett guided me up the wide staircase, my hand gliding along the polished banister.

"Yeah. Like… warmth and just… I don't know, it's hard to explain."

"Well, if we smell like chicks, it's Esme and her fancy laundry detergents fault." Hardwood turned to carpet beneath my bare feet, and Emmett gently set me down on the bed. Folded at the end of the comforter, was the pair of pajamas I had kept here since high school when Alice and I had sleepovers. Thankfully, the red track shorts and oversized grey t-shirt appeared to still be relatively my size. In my drunken state, I was able to ignore the '15' on the back that signified it was Edward's old track shirt.

"I think it's nice."

"Night, little sis," Emmett grinned, ruffling my hair gently before heading for the door.

###

I had settled into sleep for two solid hours, falling asleep before I'd had time to change out of my party dress and into the pre-set pajamas, until 2 am hit and all the champagne I had drunk combined with the food Alice had shoved down my throat began to disagree with my stomach. My head throbbed and my throat was parched, but I knew there was no way I could make it to the kitchen for water – I was barely stable enough to make it across the hall to throw up.

Round one. Every time I drank like this – which wasn't often but often enough – I promised myself I would never again do this to myself and avoid all alcohol at whatever cost. Clearly, it was an effective method. My throat burned and head seared as I leaned over the toilet, gasping for air as my body shook.

A soft knock sounded on the door, Edward's copper hair in a bigger state of disarray than usual. Without a word, he handed me a glass of water, leaning down to scoop my hair away from my face.

"You really don't have to do this," I replied hoarsely, body heaving as my stomach betrayed me and I leaned back over the ceramic bowl. He placed a cool hand against my clammy neck, gently stroking my hair out of the way with the other.

"Drink the water. You'll feel better." He walked across the bathroom, turning the shower on warm. "I'll be right back, okay? I'm just going to get the stuff Alice set out for you."

He closed the door softly behind him, and I wearily changed out of the wrinkled blue dress. The water felt soothing and clean against my rigid skin, washing away the remaining feeling of sickness. I reached for the towel he had hung over the curtain rod, wrapping it tight around me before stepping out cautiously. I still didn't feel a hundred percent, and with my motor coordination subpar on a good day, I wasn't about to test it drunk and sick at 2 am. Edward had placed the clothes Esme had left out on the edge of the sink, and I quickly exchanged the towel for them. Beside them, sat a fresh toothbrush and toothpaste, the two single most amazing things in the world at this moment in time.

I had not expected him to be waiting outside the door, but there he was, disheveled and half asleep, eyes lit with concern. Placing his hand lightly, barely touching, on the small of my back, he guided me back towards the bedroom. For once, how gorgeous he looked in his black sweats and white v-neck wasn't at the forefront of my mind and for that moment, it felt nice to have my friend back. But then there was the v-neck, and the disheveled hair, and the burning ache to touch him and I knew we could never go back to being just friends, if we ever had been just friends in the first place.

"I'm just across the hall if you need anything, okay?" He set the glass of water down on my nightstand, pausing before brushing his thumb across my cheekbone. My skin set fire beneath his touch, tiny electric shivers running down my spine as he turned and headed for the door.

"Wait," I blurted out, sitting up against the headboard. He stopped, turning back to face me, the concerned look returning to his face. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, pausing to shut the door. "Anything."

"Why was it so easy for you to leave?" He sighed, his shoulders dropping as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Easy? That's hardly the word I would use to describe it. Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I've suffered each day since then." I pulled the covers tight around me, my eyes fixed on his as he leaned against the dresser. "I thought maybe it'd get a little easier over time, not being with you. But it just seems to get harder."

"Yeah, me too." Maybe it was the alcohol still in my bloodstream, the lack of sleep, or the reminder of our old friendship, but I couldn't help myself from blurting out, "I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts, and it never stops hurting. I love you, even though I shouldn't, and all I want is to touch you and be near you again. But then there's also that nagging voice that doesn't understand how you could have done that to me. Was there something I was missing? Why did you need to turn to her?" I had done such a good job up until now of not crying, but when it looked like he might possibly cry, that almost unraveled me completely. He inhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a moment before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"The first semester at Dartmouth was excruciating, to say the least. I began by taking it a month at a time, then three weeks, then two, then one. Eventually, I was barely making it through a single day, I missed you so much. I tried to pour myself into my studies but it wasn't enough – I was fading without you. When I saw you at Christmas, I convinced myself I'd be okay to get through a few more months without you, but returning to the reality of it I knew I couldn't. I put in a transfer application for Seattle University, and was set to transfer after the spring semester." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I started drinking – not heavily, but heavily enough on a few occasions. I found it helped to get through particularly tough days without you, and Dartmouth was never at a loss for large parties. One party I cannot remember, as I blacked out and didn't wake up until four pm the following day. A month later, Tanya, a friend of my roommate who I had met once or twice, approached me and claimed to be pregnant with my child."

The room felt suddenly cold, and I shivered slightly beneath the down feather comforter. Now that I had opened this conversation topic, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hear it out.

"I was so beyond disgusted and angry with myself, I didn't know what to do. I felt sick at the thought of telling you, because I knew it would break you. But I also knew I couldn't stay with you knowing what I had done, and knowing that I now owed some sort of responsibility to Tanya. I completely loathed myself, and in that, convinced myself that a clean, cold break where I convinced you I no longer loved you was the best thing for you if you were going to move on." His shoulders slumped forward, and he rested his forehead in his hands, a strained expression on his face. "I wasn't prepared for how quickly you would believe me – how once I told you I wasn't in love with you you'd just accept it as fact. I expected a much harder fight, yet the look on your face told me you honestly believed me. And I haven't been able to get that look out of my head since."

It was a lot to wrap my head around at three in the morning – a lot of raw, painful emotion.

"So she… so you… hm."

"I didn't know what to do. How could I have told you? I wanted to give you a chance to fall in love with someone else."

"Jacob Black is in love with me," I replied, unsure of why exactly I was telling him this. "If Charlie had his way we'd be married and chasing six kids around the yard. But I've spent six years turning him down and wishing I could figure out why you left."

The room fell silent, the only sound a faint ticking from the clock at the end of the hall. It chimed softly, signaling that it was now 3:30 am.

"Why did you come back so early? Why not just come for the wedding and leave?"

"I have… a reason, but that, I can't tell you. At least not yet, and maybe, if I'm wrong, ever. If I told you and I turn out to be wrong… the damage…" he shook his head firmly, straightening his posture. "I'm praying I'm right, but, if I'm not… I can't be responsible for breaking you again like that."

I untangled my arms from the covers, holding my hand out to him. "Will you stay now?" He looked hesitantly at my open hand, suspended in the space between here. "Just lie here with me. Until I fall asleep."

Slowly he leaned back, letting his head sink into the pillow beside mine. He kept considerable space between us, but I could still feel his warmth despite the distance. Just being close to him again, even without touching, was enough to allow my muscles to relax and sleep to slip over me.

"_You're it!" Rosalie's smile was dazzling as she happily tapped Edward on the shoulder, running across the beach in the opposite direction. He turned to me, smirking the same self-assured smirk he'd had since I could remember._

"_Better start running, Swan. Here, I'll even give you a head start." He made a production out of stretching his arms, the sun glinting off his pale skin and emphasizing the gorgeous planes of muscle across his body. At seventeen, shirtless in a pair of swim trunks, Edward Cullen was most certainly no longer the lanky ten year old who had once refused to let Alice and me play baseball._

_Rolling my eyes in response, but taking the head start, I swung my long brown hair over my shoulder and ran in the opposite direction. At least I had the fact that the beach was relatively flat and free of things to trip over on my side. Behind me, I could head Edward catching up, spiking my adrenaline and sending my heart beat into a mad frenzy._

_Two arms wrapped around my waist, Edward's tackle sending us both falling to sand below. His body crashed against mine, lips hovering inches away and for a second I thought I would lose the ability to breathe altogether. It felt like everything went silent as we stared at each other, my eyes wide and his green eyes lit with curiosity as he leaned in closer, brushing his lips against my ear. "You're it," he whispered, jumping up in one fluid movement and heading for the thick grove of trees along the perimeter._

_Oh heck no._

_Dazed and slightly shell-shocked, I pushed myself back up to standing, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. Not quite as steady on my feet as before, I tore after him, ignoring Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett dispersing off in different directions, my eyes focused solely on the copper-haired boy ahead._

"_You are _so_ dead, Cullen!" I pushed myself to run faster and ignored the burning feeling along the back of my legs, determined to catch up to him. He slowed then, arching an eyebrow and crossing his muscular arms over his bare chest. "Oh is that so? And what are you going to do?"_

_Pausing, I hesitated a moment while he looked on in curiosity. Then, taking a deep breath, I pushed him against the tree and kissed him._

Streams of light were starting to seep beneath my eyelids, causing my dream to fade. Why were the best dreams always interrupted? Dream Edward had felt so much more… real. I could smell him, feel him much more vividly than usual. It was almost as if…

My eyes opened slowly, the headache spreading through my skull and behind my eyes as I did so. There was an arm hooked around my waist, other legs tangled with my own, and the soft sound of breathing against the nook of my neck and shoulder.

_Oh dear Jesus._

_

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**A/N: **I'm sorry for the (almost) month and a half between updates. May was insanity - I got pneumonia (only I would get that in the summer) and barely even made it through finals. I was behind on school work and exhausted, and therefore (unfortunately) did not have any time to work on this. But school is over now, and with just work and stuff and I have more room to breathe. Hope you enjoy the new chapter! Let me know what you think :)_


	5. My Heart Will Wait

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, however much I wish, although the ideas and storylines in this fic are mine.**

**Thanks so much to those who added Missing Pieces to their story alerts and to those who reviewed!**

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"It's not a big deal, I doubt anybody even noticed, right?" My tone was hardly convincing, and now that the post-waking up next to Edward euphoria was wearing off, panic was setting in. With anyone else, it wouldn't have felt like a huge deal – Jake and I fell asleep together every now and again and I didn't panic like this, but with Edward… everything was different with Edward.

There was no doubt I looked terrifying – I had fallen asleep on wet hair, a guarantee that I would get to sport a crazed, Einstein-esque hairdo fiasco the next morning. And with Edward beside me, looking like he could easily be about to step into a sleepwear photo shoot as opposed to having just woken up, I looked a complete mess. It was impossible not to notice the bands of muscles along his forearms and biceps, the faint tracings of his pectorals and abdominal muscles through his thin white cotton v-neck tee. Between the crooked smile and his even more than usual tousled hair, morning Edward was my favorite.

I tugged at the corners of the comforter in an attempt to make the bed as Edward stood watching, lips tilted in an amused smile. "Stop… laughing at me and help me make the stupid bed."

Weak beams of sunlight streamed through the window, casting a soft glow around the white and cream-colored room. His green eyes were sparkling, as if dotted with tiny specks of gold, and the smile on his face was one of the first genuine, full smiles I had seen on him in six years. We were in a bubble, a hideaway separate from everything and everyone, and the moment we left and rejoined everyone, things would return to how they really were. Back to a world where I didn't sleep through the night because Edward wasn't beside me and I didn't wake up the next morning warm and comfortable in his arms. Back to a world where I was alone.

"I hardly think Esme would appreciate you calling her two-thousand dollar Magnussen bed stupid," he teased, cocking his eyebrow. "And I'm not laughing at you."

"You are. You're doing that thing you always do where you're not outright laughing but… you are," I finished lamely, busying myself with fluffing pillows. He raised an eyebrow at me before pulling the comforter off the bed completely in one swift movement, dropping it on the floor as he began to tuck and straighten the sheets underneath. I followed suit, trying to ignore the searing pain across my head. I wasn't a morning person as it was, and the addition of a hangover-death-headache wasn't doing much for my lack of morning cheer.

It had been strange spending the night next to Edward again. No matter how much time had passed we still fit perfectly together, and the comfort of having him there was enough to let me sleep through the entire night without bad dreams, something that hadn't been mine in six years. I was torturing myself, and doing exactly what he didn't want me to do by holding onto that little thing he said he could be right about, but didn't want me to hold onto in case he was wrong – whatever that meant.

We didn't bring up our conversation last night, much to my relief, although I could feel it between us. A lot had happened last night, too much for me to even begin to unravel and try to comprehend just yet. Besides which I'd have to relay the entire thing word-for-word to Rosalie and Alice, and I didn't have the energy to go over it twice.

God, what was I thinking asking him to stay with me while I fell asleep? What happened to all my moral-whatevers and such? Tanya would know… she just seemed like one of those people who knew things without being told and would proceed to torture me for the remainder of her visit because of it. Fantastic, another thing to look forward too.

Apparently I had begun to clutch the pillow I was supposed to be fluffing rather tightly because Edward placed his hands on mine to gently pull them apart, rescuing the pillow.

"Bella breathe. There's really no reason to freak out. Or destroy my mothers pillows." He began to reshape it and adjust the pillowcase calmly, his relaxed face showing no sign of stress or anxiety about the situation we had placed ourselves in.

"Right, no reason except your girlfriend already wants to stab me to death with one of her stiletto's and I'd rather not give her anymore incentive to do so, thank you."

Edward made a face, but continued to fluff pillows. "I forgot how dramatic you could be. No one will even know I fell asleep in here, although I still think you're making a much bigger deal out of it then you need to."

"You say that, because you're not the one facing potential death by stiletto."

Ignoring his answering eye roll, I turned to leave the room, stopping halfway to the door when the pillow in his hands sailed across the room and hit me square on the back of the head.

I turned to face him, clearly surprised as he glanced back with a perfectly acted look of innocence on his beautiful face.

"Did you just… throw a _pillow_ at me?"

"Yes, Isabella, I believe I did."

Oh, he did not just full name me. He grinned back, clearly proud of himself as he tried to egg me on. I picked up the pillow he had thrown, sending it back in his direction. He ducked, the edge of the pillow clipping his head before hitting the back wall.

"It's on, Cullen."

I reached across the bed for the closest pillow, trying to avoid the one he chucked at me in the process. I threw without aiming, surprisingly hitting him in the chest, taking no time to stop and admire my work before reaching for another pillow. A tiny square pillow bounced off my arm, as I tossed a throw pillow his way, dodging another little pillow in the process.

With one pillow left, we both lunged, and for once in my life I was the faster one and clutched it close to me as I moved away from the bed. Edward's eyes locked on mine, burning, full of energy as he raised his hands in defeat, walking slowly towards my side of the bed. I held onto the pillow protectively, cautious as he stopped directly in front of me.

In a second he hooked his arm around my waist, knocking me onto my back atop the bed, pinning me to the mattress.

"Get off!" I laughed, wriggling beneath him. One hand was pressed against my hip, the other at my shoulder.

"Say you lost."

"Like hell – " his hand moved from my shoulder, tickling my side.

That bastard.

I could barely breathe from laughing, his deathlock grip holding me down despite my futile attempts to get free. "Get" I tried, gasping for breath "off" His hand continued to move down my side, slipping beneath the hem of my t-shirt and ghosting along the bare skin of my stomach.

"Say it."

"Fine, you win."

Smirking, his fingers stopped moving, his hand resting against my flat stomach. We were both frozen, the electricity running through my body at his touch undeniable, a jolt to my six-year touch-deprived body. He leaned closer then paused, hesitating inches from my lips. I could smell him clearly, an intoxicating mixture of traces of cologne, honey, peppermint shampoo, and warmth, a smell that was completely him and completely irresistible. His thumb ghosted across my cheek, leaving a trail of fire in its absence.

"Bella, darling, breakfast is downstairs if you're awake," Esme's voice cooed from the hallway, breaking our trance. Edward jumped to his feet, running his fingers anxiously through his hair before offering his hand to help me up. Again, it was as if a jolt of electricity shot through our fingertips, and he dropped my hand quickly once we stood.

Back to reality.

I slipped out of the room without a word, looking up and down the hall before beckoning to Edward the coast was clear for him to leave as well. I felt sixteen all over again, when I would let Edward in through my bedroom window to spend the night, waking to find he had snuck out before Charlie left for the morning.

One look in the bathroom mirror was enough to confirm my fears about the state of my hair – it was a disaster, a bad situation made worse by the spontaneous pillow attack. I pulled open the top drawer, raking a brush through my out of control locks before giving up and securing it into a messy bun at the crown of my head. I splashed cold water on my face, washing my hands and brushing my teeth before heading downstairs.

I gripped the railing as I descended the stairs, my post-champagne drinking binge headache still very prevalent and only made worse by the impromptu pillow fight. The house was filled with the smell of freshly made blueberry pancakes, the clashing of plates and chatter from the kitchen downstairs signaling everyone else was already awake.

"Sleep well?" Rosalie asked, arching an eyebrow. I glared at her in response, heading straight to the sink for a much-needed glass of water. Esme, her dress covered with a vintage feminine apron, pressed a kiss to the side of my face and handed me a large plate of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and fruit salad. Blueberry pancakes had been my favorite since I was five – it touched me that they still remembered that.

"How are you feeling? You were pretty gone last night…" Emmett grinned, the plate in front of him stacked with at least double the portions I had received. Even as an adult it felt weird to discuss being drunk in front of Esme and Carlisle – there was something just too paternal about them to ever make me quite comfortable about it, and I could feel my cheeks redden as Emmett brought up the subject.

"I wasn't that –" everyone raised their eyebrows at me, including Carlisle, causing my cheeks to darken a shade. "Okay fine, I was drunk. My head might explode, but other than that I feel better."

It felt like old times, the six of us seated at the counter eating breakfast while Carlisle and Esme made breakfast in the kitchen. Edward and I exchanged a look, a mixture of humility, curiosity, and apology on his face. He gave me a small smile before pouring a glass of orange juice and turning his attention to the plate Carlisle had just handed him. I turned as the stairs creaked, pretending to be extremely interested in my pancakes once I realized it was Tanya coming down to join us.

Esme greeted her, offering a plate of food which Tanya pointedly refused, Esme's surprise only visible for a second before she masked it with a warm smile; no one ever turned down Esme's food. It was practically a Forks law.

She had pulled her strawberry blonde hair into a sleek ponytail and was dressed in perfectly coordinated, expensive-looking black and pink running gear. She placed a hand on her hip, lips pressed together in an irritated expression.

"I'm going for a run, Edward, are you planning to join me?" Edward shook his head, barely looking up from his pancakes.

"No, I'm going to stay and have breakfast. Emmett and I have errands to run for the bachelor party, anyway."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged, casting an icy glare my way before heading for the front door.

Of course I'd forgotten about the bachelor/bachelorette party. Emmett and Rosalie had combined their respective parties, considering they had the same friends and neither was really interested in spending time without the other. In typical Cullen fashion, the original plan had been a week-long camping/backpacking extravaganza. Camping was completely not my thing – especially after the traumatizing experience I had the last time I went camping with the Cullen's. Thankfully, Alice had refused to be subjected to spending a week somewhere without proper showers or electrical outlets, and Rosalie had rented a beach house along the Washington coast instead.

We were leaving on April 12, in two weeks when the weather was supposed to be bearable. I had requested the time off work months ago, but it had completely slipped my mind.

My phone rang, Jake's name flashing across the screen. I felt bad – I had literally blown him off for the past month. It wasn't intentional, work had been kicking my ass and things always seemed to come up the nights we had plans, but I still felt bad. And I kind of missed him, as well.

I pushed my chair in, rinsing my plate before placing it in the dishwasher. "I should get going, also. I have like three years of laundry and grocery shopping to do."

"Do you need clothes? I can lend you something," Alice began to offer, Rosalie cutting her off instantly.

"That's okay, I have stuff Bella can borrow. Finish your breakfast, Alice."

Rosalie followed me up the stairs without a word, cornering me once we were safely inside Emmett's room with the door closed.

"Something happened with Edward last night," she began, crossing her arms at her chest. I avoided her fierce gaze, flipping through a sports magazine on Emmett's nightstand. She snatched it from my hands, placing both of her hands on my shoulders. "Isabella Marie Swan, if you don't tell me right now, so help me God – "

"Okay, okay, okay, jeez." Alice slipped into the room, the same look on her face. Clearly, Rosalie had been picking up tips from Alice. "I woke up at two in the morning and started throwing up. He brought me water, and a toothbrush and stuff. Then he walked me back to my room and we started talking and then we fell asleep together. That's it."

Rose rolled her eyes, and the pair of them looked at me expectantly. "What'd he say?"

"I… he talked about why he left. And that he's still in love with me. And that there's this thing that could mean this huge other thing but he won't tell me what it is incase he's wrong because he doesn't want to get my hopes up or something."

"And, naturally, you have your hopes up about whatever it is already, right?" Alice knew me so well, it was almost scary at times. She frowned, sitting down beside me on Emmett and Rosalie's bed, resting her head against my shoulder.

"Well what do you think it is?"

"No freaking idea."

"Maybe Tanya's a lesbian," Rosalie teased, eliciting giggles from both Alice and I.

"Yeah, or she's actually betrothed to some foreign whatever, and has to leave. Forever," Alice added, the three of us giggling uncontrollably.

"Maybe she's an alien," Rose grinned, lying down next to me across the bed."

"Maybe… maybe he's breaking up with Tanya," Alice offered, shrugging a shoulder.

"No way, that'd be way too obvious. Besides, they have a kid."

"Unless it's not his." Our light mood faded, the look on Rosalie's face dead serious. "Think about it, she doesn't have any of his features. She doesn't look a thing like him… and there's something about Tanya that just doesn't feel right."

"Rose, a lot of the time younger children don't look like striking images of their parents. You can't just assume she isn't Edward's because she doesn't have messy red hair and green eyes. Besides, they slept together and Edward was with her through her pregnancy."

"Yeah, but Edward doesn't actually have any memory of sleeping with her," I interrupted Alice, Rose's eyes wide. "He said he'd blacked out, and she came to him later and said they'd slept together and she was pregnant."

"What the – that's messed up. So that must be it, Bella. Maggie's not –"

"We don't know that, though, Rose. Again, Bella, he could have told you that out of kindness, and even if he was too drunk to remember, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. People have drunken sex they don't remember all the time – it's called college." Alice sighed, taking my hands in hers. "I love you, you're my best friend. I don't want to see you get your hopes up over something and get hurt. So please, do something for yourself and drop this. If it's meant to be it'll happen, but don't torture yourself over something you don't and may never know."

And that was Alice. Where Rose and I were impulsive and hotheaded, Alice was logical and rational. She was always the one to talk us down from our quick emotions, and to place some sense into us when we looked as if we were about to act on impulse.

Rose handed me a pair of old jeans and a form fitting black v-neck, tossing a thick knit navy sweater my way as well. I murmured a quick thank you and slipped my feet into Rosalie's black patent flats, grabbing my blue dress and heels from the night before from the guest room.

I left quickly to avoid facing Edward, however childish that may have been. After the drama from the past 16 hours or so, it felt refreshing to be alone in the cab of my truck with just the roaring of the engine and barely audible whispers of classical music from the radio to fill my head.

My phone buzzed, reminding me of the voicemail Jake had left earlier – I really had to call him, I had been putting him on the back burner for far too long. I returned his call, letting him know I was headed to the grocery store to pick up some movie night essentials and that he should either meet me there or at my apartment, and then turned off the Cullen's road back onto the highway.

Pasta, chicken, oranges, coffee, milk. Pasta, chicken, oranges, coffee, milk, salad – did I have any salad left? Pasta, chicken, oranges, coffee, milk, salad… oh! Tomato sauce…

I grabbed a jar of tomato sauce from the shelf, adding two packages of spaghetti as well. My phone buzzed with a text from Jake, saying he'd meet me at the house. I hadn't filled him in on any of the Edward stuff – it would certainly be an interesting conversation, to say the least.

I went through my shopping quickly, making sure to grab a six-pack of cold Corona for Jake and the two pints of Ben and Jerry's that were essential for movie night. Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt for me, and Chocolate Fudge Brownie for Jacob – he could eat anything without gaining an ounce.

I couldn't help but smile when I pulled up to my house to see Jake's silver truck parked along the street. He was leaning against the side, all gorgeous and muscles in a black fitted t-shirt and shorts, his returning smile enough to say he didn't completely hate me for being the worst friend ever for the past month.

"Took you long enough, Swan," he teased, walking across to help me unload the groceries. He pulled me into a hug, wrapping his thick, warm arms tightly around my shoulders.

"Cant. Breathe," I laughed as he loosened his grip a little, squeezing him back lightly.

He scrunched up his nose, pretending to fan air in front of his face. "Aw, Bella, you smell awful."

I pushed away from him, crossing my arms over my chest. Subconsciously, I sniffed my hair – strawberry shampoo. I had taken a shower not even 12 hours ago, for christs sake. "Gee, thanks, Jake. Always good to see you too."

"Whose clothes are you wearing?" He retorted, scrunching up his nose as he eyed the sweater and jeans.

"Rosalies?"

"Oh, well that explains it." Asshole. He grinned wide, ruffling my hair as I tried to push his hand away. "So what the hell's been going on? Clearly you must have been incredibly busy," he started, unloading the grocery bags from the back of my truck.

"You want the short version, or the long one?" He grinned at the six-pack of Corona, laughing as I pointed to the Ben and Jerry's tubs in another bag. "Long week, huh? I'll take the short one, but don't leave anything important out."

"Okay so basically the night I went to the Cullen's for dinner Edward decided to show up as well. And I completely freaked out and went home…" Jake slammed the door to the truck harder than necessary, his hands tense as he picked up several bags and headed toward the house. I grabbed the remaining two, patting the truck door apologetically. "Do you want me to tell you the story or not? And can we not make any of my possessions casualties, thank you very much?"

"Yeah, sorry. Go on."

"So then he came over the next morning and kind of tried to act like nothing had happened. And he told me he still loved me and I said I couldn't do this right now so he left. And he said there was stuff he wished he could tell me but couldn't. Then we were at Bloomingdales – clothes store – and I kind of overheard him and Tanya – that's his girlfriend by the way – fighting and it was just really strange. And then he caught me, and it was totally awkward and yeah. And then we talked again at Rosalie's dinner party…" I was editing my story heavily, deciding to leave out the whole 2 am conversation, falling asleep together, and pillow fight thing. There were some things Jake just didn't need to know.

"So he told you he loved you, and you didn't say anything?" He cut me off, the corners of a smile touching Jakes lips as he set the bags down on the kitchen counter, beginning to unload the contents. "Yeah."

"So… you don't love him anymore then?"

I sighed, grabbing the gallon of 2% milk and placing it in the fridge along with the tomato sauce and chicken. If only it were a simple question of loving him or not loving him. "It's not that easy, Jake. I do love him – I don't think I ever won't. But he has a girlfriend and a kid, so I can't go there."

"But do you think maybe one day, you could love someone else a little more than you love him?" He placed the pasta, cans of soup, and honey in the cupboard, dropping the apples and bananas into the fruit bowl. I wanted to say I could just to give him an answer he wanted to hear, but I couldn't give him false hope; it wasn't fair to either of us.

"Not in the way you want me to, Jake," I replied gently, leaning against the counter as I handed him a bottle of beer, opting for orange juice myself, still recovering from the night before. It was only 2:30 in the afternoon but I was already tired – it was going to be a movie afternoon, instead of night considering I probably wouldn't make it past six.

"All I'm saying, Bella, is that I'm in love with you, and I want you to pick me instead of him when it comes down to it. Edward – he's bad for you, but me? I'm a good thing, and I know you don't think you feel the same way, but I at least need you to know the truth so you know your options. I'm." He pointed to his chest and emphasized each word. "In. Love. With. You. Just so we're clear."

If I could somehow climb into my orange juice and drown myself, it wouldn't have been the worst thing. Because really, how ridiculously stupid was I? I was in love with someone I couldn't have and turning down the person I could. A person who was gorgeous, and sweet, smart, and everything I needed in a life partner. Too bad love was rarely ever convenient or I'd hitch up with Jake in a second.

"Jake…" I began, sighing as I looked up to face him. Beneath the confident look on his face, I knew he was bearing his soul, holding it out for me to shatter it completely. "For me, I miss you when you're not there. If you're happy, I'm happy, and I need you in my life. But I could say the same about Charlie, or Alice – you're family to me. I love you… but I'm not in love with you."

His face fell, showing how vulnerable he was for a moment. Jake didn't look angry, thoughtful instead – maybe I had gotten through to him a little.

"But you've never tried, Bella. You've never really let go of him long enough to try loving someone else. Even if it's not me – you should at least try before you sentence yourself to being miserable forever. I just want you to be happy. Like you said – if you're not happy, I'm not happy."

I reached across the counter, squeezing his hand gently. I'd missed my best friend, ever since this whole tangled romantic crap had blurred our friendship. And I needed him especially with everything that had been happening with Edward recently.

"I can't be happy without him, Jacob. And don't lecture me about not trying – I know I need him to feel whole, and time can't change that. He was, is, everything. I just need you to be my friend."

He shrugged lazily, resting his arm around my shoulders. "Alright, if that's what you need, I'll do it. Because that's what a _good friend_ would do, Bella. Someone who was _healthy_ for you, and concerned with your feelings and needs and stuff."

I rolled my eyes at him in response. "Thanks Jake."

"Yeah, yeah. So am I still your date to the wedding… party… thing?"

I had invited to Jake to go with me to the party portion of the combined bachelor/bachelorette weekend craziness before I even assumed Edward was going. I couldn't go back on my invitation now, although it would certainly add an interesting layer to everything. I grinned up at him, playfully punching him in the shoulder. "Only if you're on your best behavior."

He scoffed, and lightly punched me back. "You get me exactly as I am – bad behavior included – or not at all. And don't expect me to play fair." He waggled his eyebrows, draining the rest of his beer.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, is it my turn to choose a movie, or yours?"

"Uh, considering last time you subjected me to The Notebook and sobbed on my shoulder the entire time, I get to choose at least the next three times."

I rolled my eyes, jumping onto the couch with two spoons and ice cream pints in hand. "So what's it going to be? The Hannah Montana Movie?" I teased, earning a pained look from Jake.

"Only if I'm dead. I was thinking more like The Wolfman or Daybreakers."

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**A/N: **So updates should be much more frequent from this point on... every week/every two weeks? Reviews/feedback is much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story - it means everything.


	6. Sleeping To Dream About You

**I do not own Twilight - just every book in the series.**

**Chapter 6! Yay. This chapter was WAY fun to write so I hope you guys like it**

**...A lot happens, which is why it's quite long.**

**As always, reviews and story alerts are amazing - I'm not going to post chapters based on how many reviews I get (I think it's annoying when people do that) but I will say it DOES help to provide motivation to write and get through writers block when you know people are reading and enjoying what you write.**

***** PLEASE READ THIS*****

**I need to clear up a few things that people are saying were confusing in this chapter. I was so excited to write this, I left a few details unclear. 1) Bella and Edward _have_ had sex before - I thought it was implied that because she had accepted his "engagement" that they had then had sex before he left for college. Apparently that wasn't very clear. 2) Bella hasn't been with anyone else intimately since Edward, but she had condoms. This is because a) Bella's responsible and b) I think as part of her attempting to move on she would have purchased them just in case (most likely spurred on by Rosalie) but never had the heart or interest to put herself in a situation where they'd actually be needed. 3) Tanya and Edward - it's supposed to be unclear right now, Edward has no idea what's going on/what went on and won't until Tanya comes back. Which, unfortunately, will happen. Sorry to be confusing/vague, hope that fills in the holes!**

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I hadn't had a nightmare since Edward had come home; instead, my dreams were filled with nostalgia from times I wished desperately to hold onto and moments from the future I felt we'd been robbed of. I dreamed of silly moments, of first kisses, of high school prom, of touching, holding, feeling him again. I saw white dresses, and a small house with a white picket fence, and dreamt of a little girl with bronze curls and brown eyes.

As I passed through my days at work I longed for evening, for the chance to slip into my dream world where I was with Edward. I didn't go out, and I powered through manuscripts at work so I could go to bed early; I was the most well rested I had been in years.

Tonight took me back to high school, to late nights on the baseball field.

"You look cold," Edward whispered, pressing his lips to my cheek as he slung his navy blue baseball jacket over my shoulders. "I promise we should be done soon. I would have told you to go home if I knew coach would keep us this late," he added apologetically, brushing a strand of hair behind my cheek.

_I smiled warmly in response, shaking my head. "And I would have told you to shut up and go back to pitching strikes." He laughed, squeezing my knee playfully. "Really Edward, I'm fine. There's no where I'd rather be." His answering grin, lifting slightly higher on the right than the left, was enough to send my heart beat into a mild frenzy. _

"_Cullen, I'd like to get out of here before midnight if you don't mind. Back on the field!" He kissed my cheek one more time before sprinting from the bleachers to the pitchers mound, apologizing to his coach as he geared up to begin pitching again._

_The practice went on for another hour or so, the sun dipping below the line of trees and covering the field in soft grey twilight. Edward helped pack up the equipment, looking up to catch my eyes every few minutes. Once everyone had gone I walked over to greet him, laughing as he pressed me against the chain link fence._

"_You don't even know how sexy you look in that jacket," he purred, nuzzling my cheek and pressing kisses along my jawline and neck._

"_I bet it'd look even sexier on the dugout floor," I teased, running my hands along the sides of his practice t-shirt._

"_Not really, you don't want to know the kind of stuff that's on that floor…"I hooked my fingers through the belt loops of his black baseball pants, pulling him closer. He groaned, nipping the edge of my collarbone with his teeth. "Bella…" he began, warning in his tone._

"_Oh just shut up and kiss me," I grinned, happily getting my wish as he pressed his lips urgently to mine, sliding his hands beneath my tank top and along my stomach. Electricity ran through my veins and my heart thumped embarrassingly loudly against my ribcage but I could care less. My hands tangled in his tousled bronze hair, pulling him closer…_

_He broke away suddenly, eyes intense and fiery and he smirked, catching his breath. "Bet you can't catch me."_

_And he was off, tearing across the outfield without a look back – damn him and his apparent aversion with going past second base. Every time we got close to progressing he found some reason to stop. It was beyond frustrating._

_I started after him, my tattered converse sneakers tearing through the grass as I tried to keep up. He was unnaturally fast, something very apparent by the numerous track trophies and awards he had in his bedroom. I had an advantage, however – I was a natural-born klutz and Edward was unable to look the other way if I injured myself._

"_Ow," I whimpered, leaning over to examine my ankle. He stopped in his tracks eyeing me suspiciously for a moment before running back in my direction._

"_Bella? Are you oka – oof," I jumped up and tackled him to the ground as soon as he got close enough, pinning him by his shoulders and straddling his hips as he lay in the grass._

"_Gotcha," I giggled, kissing his nose. He laughed, resting his hands on my thighs, pieces of grass weaved throughout his copper hair. _

"_Well played, Swan." I leaned in to kiss him again, squealing as he rolled over and pinned me beneath him, careful to rest most of his weight on his arms and not me. He was warm, and smelled intoxicatingly of grass, cologne, peppermint, and something else that was indescribably Edward, and enough to make me feel completely dizzy._

"_I thought so," I smirked, tangling my fingers through his thick, disheveled hair. _

"_Cheater," he grinned back, pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. I reciprocated enthusiastically, running my tongue along his lips, practically begging for entrance. His lips parted slightly and I wasted no time in slipping my tongue between his lips, tangling it with his. Edward tasted almost as good as he smelled, like cool peppermint as his lips worked furiously against mine. _

Bzzzz…bzzzzz…bzzzzz…

_The edges of the baseball field began to blur, fading to cream colored walls and white trim, to white curtains and a cluttered desk, the closet door half open to reveal an overflowing laundry basket…_

Bzzzz…bzzzzz…bzzzzz…

What the… Oh my phone. Who the hell was calling me at this time, and for their sake it had better be important, considering they interrupted such a good dream.

Edward Cullen.

Well that was ironic.

"Mmf, hello?" I croaked, rubbing my eyes to get a look at the digital clock. 7 am. On a Sunday. Really?

"Bella?" His voice sounded urgent with an undertone of panic that forced me to sit up immediately and nearly whack the back of my head against the headboard. "Sorry, I know it's early and I probably woke you – "

"Edward? Is everything okay?"

There was a pause before he answered, and I could picture him perfectly, shoulders unnaturally straight as he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. "Not really."

I could hear commotion and beeping in the background, then Carlisle's voice cutting in amongst the noise. "Edward, we have her results back…"

"Edward? What's going on?"

"Look, I'm at the hospital, and I know it's way earlier than any reasonable time to ask you do to anything, especially for me, but I just… I need you to be here now. So if you could be here… you're not obliged, of course… I'm so sorry to bother you –"

"I'll be there in fifteen."

I sprang from the bed, discarding my blue silk, lace-trimmed shorts and matching camisole set in search of undergarments and a more practical outfit for a hospital trip. Settling on dark rinse skinny jeans and a white blouse, I slipped into a pair of flats and ran the comb through my hair and toothbrush across my teeth simultaneously. Throwing on a light jacket, I took the stairs two at a time and grabbed a breakfast bar along with my keys from the kitchen before heading out the door.

For once in my life, I pushed the speed limit in my truck, nervously tapping the steering wheel the entire way. Leave it to Charlie to conveniently purchase a car for me in high school that couldn't go past 55 mph. The entire drive there, I couldn't help but worry - he had sounded pretty shaken up on the phone, leading me to believe someone close to us had been hurt. Carlisle had mentioned "her results," so it had to be female. Was it Esme? Rosalie? Alice?

I pulled into the hospital parking lot in record time, parking quickly and throwing my keys into my purse as I headed for the doors. Now that I was here, the panic was beginning to build inside me, although I still didn't know what exactly I should be panicking about yet. Hospitals tended to have that effect on me, however, especially after I'd spent so much time in one as my mother died.

"Can I help you, Miss?" the receptionist asked, barely glancing up from her stacks of paper as I tapped my fingernails nervously on the counter.

"Er, I'm looking for Cullen?"

"The doctor or the patient?"

"Both, I suppose."

"Second floor, room 225."

One look at the people clustered around waiting for the elevator told me I was better off just taking the stairs. I knew this hospital inside and out, especially after visiting Carlisle here with Esme and Edward many times, not to mention the number of times I'd been a patient here. I hurried up the stairs, walking briskly and anxiously down the hall.

_217… 220… 223… 225…_

I knocked on the door, inhaling deeply as I anticipated what would be inside. Edward came to the door, his facial expression stone-like, his navy sweater and jeans wrinkled. In the corner, I could see Tanya sleeping in one of the guest chairs, looking equally distressed as Edward. Maggie, hooked up to various monitors and tubes, was asleep in the hospital bed.

"Edward what –"

He placed his finger to his lips, quietly closing the door behind him. "They need to sleep, and this is not the place to talk. Carlisle asked me to page him once you arrived, and said the three of us could talk in another room." Edward's body was very still and rigid, a habit of his when he was stressed. He led me down the hall to one of the small conference rooms, holding the door for me as I entered. It all seemed very strange – what did I have to do with any of this?

"Bella," Carlisle greeted me warmly, gesturing for me to take a seat. Beneath his cucumber eyes there were dark circles, indicating he, like Edward, had been up for a good portion of the night. He poured himself a cup of coffee offering me the same, which I happily accepted. Once we were all seated and supplied with caffeine, I broke the silence.

"So, what exactly is going on? Why am I here?"

Carlisle looked to Edward, who was sitting very still, his hands clenched tightly around the arms of his chair. He nodded then looked to me.

"About a year ago, Edward learned that Maggie had an arrhythmia, or abnormal heartbeat. At the time, he didn't think much of it – arrhythmia's can happen to anyone. Last night, Maggie had a heart complication that required her to be rushed to the hospital."

Edward sighed, looking up from the table. "Tanya didn't give me much information when she took Maggie to her appointments, and I began to get suspicious because she was so adamant that I didn't go along. I called Carlisle and talked to him about it, and he suggested I bring Maggie here so he could check her and make sure it wasn't anything life threatening. But Tanya refused to make the trip, claiming it was too risky for Maggie, and making excuses any time I brought it up. So the wedding was the perfect cover. Carlisle suggested a paternity test as well, just to be sure, something that hadn't even crossed my mind because I was so distraught over the whole situation to begin with."

I definitely needed more coffee. Carlisle, glancing at my empty cup, politely refilled my mug, patting me gently on the back. It was a lot to take in, especially at seven-thirty in the morning on a Sunday.

"So why didn't you do the paternity test?"

"Tanya made it impossible. Between my work schedule and Maggie's school schedule, and Tanya always being at home, I didn't have a chance. And then I felt guilty, and I didn't want to give myself false hope – if Maggie was my child and I put her through that, what then? Or what if she wasn't, and I came back to find you married and settled down with Jacob Black?" I rolled my eyes, and he smiled weakly in return although he was still clutching the arms of the chair in a death grip.

"Okay so, you came home early to do the paternity test. And I'm assuming you haven't done it yet because you haven't had a moment with Maggie away from her. Fair enough. So how'd we get here now? And Tanya's here as well so…"

Carlisle held up his hand to speak, taking a sip from his mug. I didn't know how these two did it, staying up through the night and still managing to speak in coherent sentences and relay detailed information. I'd gotten seven hours of sleep and I was barely functioning. Carlisle had always been like that, however. I could remember him working night shifts when we were younger to ensure he wouldn't miss out on Emmett, Edward, and Alice's childhoods. It was sweet.

"At about midnight last night, Maggie woke up feeling sick. She started to vomit, and we didn't get worried until we noticed how rapid her heart rate was. We brought her here immediately as a precaution. Upon check-up, we realized we had to rush her into emergency surgery, because she had an aortic aneurysm." I looked at him blankly, and he smiled gently before continuing. "Sorry, I'll break it down. I assume you remember what the aorta is from high school? I remember you being quite good in your biology courses."

I nodded, setting down my coffee cup, empty, again. Carlisle refilled my cup, continuing. "An aneurysm occurs at a certain point where there is usually an underlying weakness in the wall of the aorta, and the aorta dilates. This, of course, presents a risk of rupture, because it can only stretch so far, which in turn causes severe pain, massive internal hemorrhage, and death. We caught Maggie's just in time, it appears, and the surgery went quite well."

He had been up all night, and performed heart surgery on a five year old? Carlisle was a boss.

Edward stood up abruptly from his chair, pacing slowly behind me. I could feel the tension and stress emanating from him, and it was making me feel even more on edge than I already was.

"We ran some tests before surgery, however. Maggie tested positive for the gene associated with fibrillin disease, an autosomal daughter disease inherited from the father."

"An auto-what now?"

"It's a genetic disorder passed on from the father. Edward, as you can see, clearly does not have this disease."

They were both staring at me expectantly – as if I should have understood something clear as a bell that I obviously was not.

"Bella, Edward isn't Maggie's father."

I stared back blankly, slowly trying to wrap my head around everything. My heart and stomach seemed to flip at the same time, feeling both uncomfortable and strangely exciting at the same time. "Does Tanya know?" Edward glanced up then, looking at me as if I'd just asked the stupidest question in the world. "I meant does she know that you know?"

"Not exactly. I haven't… figured out how to go about that conversation yet. And it's tricky, because I've raised Maggie under the impression she was mine and I'm not sure what my rights to her are now. If Carlisle's correct, I don't have any." He frowned, running his hand through his messy auburn hair.

"So you're staying with Tanya, then?" My heart sunk, falling into my stomach. Stupid, stupid me…

He placed both his hands on me and gave my shoulders a little shake, the same incredulous look on his face as earlier. "Bella, the only reason I was with Tanya in the first place was because I felt I owed it to the girl I'd gotten pregnant to stick it out and pay for my screw up. So, no, I am most certainly _not_ staying with Tanya. I have to figure some things out, but I do not intend to see her except to visit Maggie."

"Oh…" I blinked at him. At this point in time, he was probably questioning my intelligence – my reactions were so slow, but it wasn't like this was familiar ground for me. There was no standard way to react when your ex-boyfriend tells you it turns out he's not the father of his current girlfriend's child after all, even though she said he was. I was on my own for this one.

We continued to stand there staring at each other, my feet rooted in place, until Carlisle cleared his throat softly. "As your father, I fully support and back your decision to speak with Tanya about this. As your doctor, for the sake of Maggie's recovery, however, I would suggest that you hold off on that conversation until she's cleared from the hospital. We don't want to give her additional stress after her surgery." Edward nodded, and Carlisle grabbed Maggie's chart before leaving the room to check on Maggie.

Edward sighed, brushing his thumb across my cheek in a tender gesture before dropping his other hand from my shoulder, taking my hand in his.

"Look, I don't get to ask anything of you, I know that. But just… wait for me to get this whole mess sorted out. I know you said Jacob claims he's in love with you, and you never said how you felt but… I love you. You know that, so if you can… just promise you'll wait."

"Okay." It felt as if I was in one of my future-tense dreams, instead of awake and present. Just to be sure, I lifted my left hand to pinch the top of my right elbow – hard.

"OW!" I gasped, Edward looking at me in shock as I rubbed the stinging skin.

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"Checking to see if I was dreaming."

His face softened, the look of shock replaced with one of curiosity as he absent-mindedly ran his thumb along the top of my hand. "Do you dream of me often?"

"Not really." I paused as his face fell a little, then looked up at him sheepishly. "Every night."

"What about?"

I could feel my cheeks fill with blush as I looked down from his intensive gaze, focusing on a vision chart across the hall instead. "You know, this and that. I used to have nightmares… really terrible ones, until you came back. Now it's mostly just memories, or how I imagine our future together would have been."

"Will be," he whispered into my ear. "It's not past tense." He pulled me close, pressing his lips to my hair, my forehead, my temple, my ear… but he didn't tilt my chin to kiss my lips, which was good. A lot had happened over the past week between us and especially today, and while it should have made me feel strong and confident, I felt incredibly fragile, as if one touch or word could shatter me. Words were words, and he could have said everything he said about Tanya out of anger. He could change his mind tomorrow. And yet I indulged my fantasy, continuing to let him hold me, to kiss my hair and skin.

There was a soft knock on the door, Edward reluctantly pulling away from our embrace as Carlisle gently cleared his throat. "Maggie's awake – she's asking for you, Edward." He nodded, holding my gaze as he followed Carlisle from the room.

"I'll call you."

###

Nearly four days passed and I hadn't heard a thing from Edward – I was beginning to believe my assumption had been correct. That he and Tanya had worked things out, and that they were staying together and working through things for Maggie.

Life sucks.

Angela and Ben had gotten married over the weekend, a quiet ceremony with just their families. Her face glowed, and the two of them shared lovesick smiles the entire day at work – it was a little nauseating, however happy I was for them. I joined into the festivities half-heartedly, downing my plastic champagne flute quicker than was socially acceptable in the situation.

The day passed uneventfully, Eric dropping a stack of manuscripts on my desk around five. "Because you don't have enough to do," he teased, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You okay, honey?"

I shrugged a shoulder, straightening up in my desk chair as I presented him with the best fake smile I could muster. "Yeah, just dealing with a bit of a letdown, but I'll be okay – it's not the end of the world." Except it really was.

"Alright. Well let me know if you need anything."

Around seven-thirty I gathered together my belongings, shutting down my computer and pulling on my coat before heading to the elevator. Despite everything, I felt a little better – I'd accepted at this point that Edward wasn't going to call, and maybe it was time to take his advice from the first time and try to move on. At least I still had my dreams.

The first thing I noticed when I pulled onto my street was the silver Volvo parked in front of my house that could mean only one thing – Edward. Then I noticed the lights on in the kitchen, which meant he'd, as usual, let himself in with the spare key. Intense-Edward-conversation in my kitchen take three, I suppose.

The minute I opened the front door, my nose was assailed with the smells of Edward's cooking – it was all I could do to keep from drooling. I kicked off my heels and I set my stuff down on the small side table before heading for the kitchen. I was still dressed in my work clothes, a deep navy blue pencil skirt and a tucked in cornflower blue blouse Alice had picked out that was accented with soft ruffles. I padded quietly down the hall, leaning against the doorframe as I watched him cook.

He was incredibly, unfairly gorgeous – no one person should be _that_ perfect. He wore an old pair of faded jeans that hugged his ass perfectly, the sleeves of his light charcoal button-down shirt pushed up to his elbows. He stood over a pan of brightly colored vegetables, stirring occasionally as he glanced at another pot behind it. I couldn't help but stare, twirling a strand of hair around my finger as I watched him, imagining how it would be to slowly unbutton each button of his shirt…

"Hey creeper."

I jumped, quickly straightening my posture and running my fingers through my lightly curled hair as he stared at me with a slight smirk across his lips.

"Says the guy who broke into my house." I waited a beat before accidentally blurting out, "You didn't call."

So much for appearing cool and collected, uninterested and aloof. He technically hadn't said _when_ he would call, just that he would.

"I know, it's been a rough few days – I talked to Tanya. She left two days ago, with Maggie. I haven't heard anything from her since and I have no idea where they are."

He turned back to the stove, his shoulders tense as he stirred the vegetables. In our entire friendship and relationship, Edward had always been the one to look after me. Now, it appeared the tables had turned and he needed me to look after him.

Quietly, I walked over to him and stood beside him, placing my hand on his forearm. "What do you need me to do?"

"Have dinner with me?"

"I think I can manage that," I smiled, earning a strained, but slight smile in return. I began to reach for plates in the cabinet above, but he placed his hand on the curve of my waist to stop me. Whoa.

"Table's already set. You don't have to do anything. Just don't run for the door or kick me out," he teased, pouring a little bowl of some kind of sauce into the pot of chicken on the back burner. The smell was heaven and then some. Softly in the background, Michael Bublé crooned from the small iPod speakers on my kitchen counter. I reached for a bottle of red wine, using the corkscrew to open it before pouring it into my only two matching wine glasses. I handed Edward his glass, gently tapping his glass with mine. "Cheers," I offered, keeping his apple green eyes locked on mine as I took a small sip.

He picked up my left hand in his, running his thumb across the silver band on my index finger.

"You still?" He questioned, an indescribable mixture of emotion across his face. He looked happy and hurt simultaneously, however that was possible.

"Oh, yeah. I told people –"

"It wouldn't come off?" He offered, showing me his own silver band, still on his finger. How I hadn't noticed it before was beyond me, but I had a tendency to be exceptionally unobservant when I was busy being attacked by millions of emotions.

"Something like that." A faint pink was surely tracing across my cheeks – I'd gotten so used to my out of control blush that it hardly bothered me anymore. Michael Bublé continued to sing softly in the background, the lyrics just barely catching my ear.

…May be surrounded by A million people I Still all feel alone I just wanna go home

_Oh, I miss you, you know_

_And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

"_I'm fine baby, how are you?"_

_Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_My words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that…_

The song was certainly striking a chord in both of us – Edward's shoulders stiffened as mine fell, and the lighthearted look on his face from earlier was replaced with a frown.

"Here we can change – " I moved towards the iPod, but he reached out and grabbed my hand again, pulling me to face him instead.

"Don't, it's okay. You don't have to protect me from feeling what I did." His green eyes were locked on mine, a sadness spilling over the rims that made me hurt for him. How twisted was that? He was hurting over the fact that he'd left, and I was feeling his pain for him instead of filling him with my own. "Dance with me?"

"Uh, I don't dance. You know that." Even as I refused, he lifted my hand to his shoulder and placed his on my lower back, locking his fingers through mine in traditional ballroom form.

"Humor me."

…_Let me go home_

_I'm just too far from where you are_

_I wanna come home…_

He paused, leaning in closer, his nose brushing against mine. My breathing hitched and my heartbeat quickened at the contact, his lips barely centimeters from mine. I could smell his breath, cool peppermint, and the idea that his lips would be against mine in mere seconds was almost unbelievable.

Beep, beep, beep, beep…

Of course, the timer would go off. Edward groaned, resting his forehead against mine in a moment of frustration before turning around to take dinner off the stove. "Can you pass me the plates from the table, Bella?"

Plates? Oh, right. My brain was a little muddled after my almost kiss with Edward, but I managed to successfully grab the plates from the nicely set table, placing them on the counter. He began to dish out sautéed vegetables and chicken to both plates, and I took it upon myself to grab the wine and both our almost empty glasses.

Michael had switched to a more uplifting tune as Edward set our plates down across from one another. I refilled our glasses before taking my seat, inhaling deeply.

"Dinner smells absolutely delicious," I praised, spreading my napkin across my lap.

"Here's to a million more," he smiled, raising his glass.

"I could live with that." I lifted my knife, slicing a corner of chicken and lifting it to my mouth. A million tastes hit my tongue at once – lemon, rosemary, garlic… I couldn't even begin to name them all but the result was exquisite. Edward had always been a fantastic cook – really, what wasn't he better than me at – but it had been so long I'd almost forgotten.

"This is amazing," I breathed, spearing a piece of bell pepper and onion with my fork. Dinner continued on like this, me showering him with praise and him humbly accepting it, beaming with pride throughout the entire dinner. He helped clear the dishes despite me telling him not to, drying and putting away things as I washed them.

"I made dessert, too," he grinned, rummaging in the fridge for something. He pulled out a bowl of freshly sliced peaches, raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries and another bowl of handmade whipped cream. He divided the fruit into two bowls, placing a large scoop of whipped cream on top of both.

"Here, taste it." He held the spoon to my lips, offering me a whipped cream covered strawberry. His eyes smoldered as I closed my lips around the spoon, slowly chewing as the delicate taste filled my mouth.

"That's de—" I was barely able to answer before Edward's lips pressed to mine, softly but with a sense of urgency. My fingers tangled through his hair as his hands slid down my back and pulled me close, his tongue outlining my lips as they parted slightly.

For the first time in… ever, I was the one who stiffened and broke the kiss, catching my breath as Edward stared at me, eyes wild.

"Shouldn't we talk about this?"

"Talk?" He panted, reluctantly removing his hands from my back. I felt the absence of his touch instantly, but talking seemed like the sensible, adult thing to do.

"Yes, talk. Like I say something and you say something, and we have a conversation regarding our situation." He arched an eyebrow, but appeared to be listening to me despite whether he agreed or not.

"Okay. I'll go first. I lied, and I'm so sorry. Sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from the things that have happened to you, some of which I've caused. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry –**"**

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back to me, my lips crashing against his. I let my hands slide across his shoulders, down his arms, down his sides, urgently exploring his body again. I was ready to tear his shirt off and have him right here on the kitchen counter, neighbors be damned. Just as I moved my hands to the top button of his shirt, he pulled back, trying to catch his breath as I stared at him in disbelief.

"What happened to talking?"

"You said your piece. That was my response."

"I hardly see how that's fair –"

"Are you going to stand here and argue with me about what's fair or not, or get me upstairs and take my clothes off?"

He didn't need to be told twice. His lips were back against mine as he lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. My skirt was hitched all the way up to my thighs but I could careless, the only thing I was focused on was the green-eyed, gorgeous man in front of me. I began to unbutton his shirt, discarding it on the hallway floor as he carried me toward the stairs, breaking our kiss to pull my blouse over my head. He moaned, burying his face against the curve of my neck and pressing hot wet kisses there.

Thank God I had a thing for nice lingerie, despite my lack of a sex life for the past six years. Edward seemed to appreciate it, anyway, as he eyed my navy blue, lace trimmed push-up bra. His hands pressed against the bare skin of my back as he carried me up the stairs, my lips only separating from his to press to his cheek, his ear, his jawbone, anywhere I could reach.

"Why are you wearing so many clothes," I groaned, fingernails scraping against his skin as I pulled his white undershirt off as well, tossing it somewhere behind me. He pushed the bedroom door open with his foot, setting me down at the foot of the bed. Standing, my knees felt weak as he kissed me, his tongue dancing in circles around mine. I placed my hands over his, sliding them down the sides of my body to the zipper of my skirt, biting his lip playfully. He slid the zipper down painfully slow, sliding the skirt down my legs as I reached for the button of his jeans, mimicking him. He was hard, almost fully erect in his black boxers and I felt my own body pulse with excitement at the sight of it.

"You have no idea how absolutely beautiful you are," he murmured into my ear, teasingly nibbling my earlobe. I broke away from the kiss to lie back on my bed, motioning for him to follow. He climbed on top of me, pressing his lips to the hollow of my throat as his hands traveled up my back, expertly unclasping my bra. I moaned as his hands moved to my breasts, gently kneading as his lips peppered kisses along my chest and cleavage.

It was as if every nerve in my body was awake and intensified by his touch – I could barely breathe, think, and my heart felt like it was going to beat its way out of my chest completely. An electric current was running through every inch of my body, shocking me lightly each time his fingers touched me. My body took over, my leg wrapping around his hip as I ground against him, eliciting a low hiss from him. His mouth replaced his hand, sucking and licking my hard nipple as his other hand moved across my stomach to rest on the hem of my lace panties.

I arched against him to encourage him, pressing my pelvis to his as his cock twitched. "God, I want you," I whimpered, my body trembling beneath him. He pulled my panties slowly down my legs, his hands brushing against my hips, thighs, knees, and calves as he did. I tugged at the hem of his boxers, pushing them off his hips and down his legs with my own. His breathing hitched as his eyes found mine, vivid green and fiery. Looking into his eyes I saw everything I had ever needed, everything I would ever need - beneath the smoldering was a look of gentleness, of love and maybe even a little nervousness. He felt just as much desire, lust, love, and insecurity as I did in that moment. We were equally vulnerable - after all, it had been six years, and we were practically strangers to each other.

I sat up, pressing my lips to his neck, kissing and nibbling the soft skin as he wound his fingers through my hair. My hands slid down his muscular chest and abs, brushing my hand teasingly across his length.

"Do you…"

"Top drawer," I breathed, my body aching for him as he climbed off me to get a condom from the bathroom. If clothed Edward was gorgeous, naked Edward was a million times better. He was pure sculpted muscle, looking more like a statue of a Greek God than a human, and he was well endowed, to say the least.

He returned quickly, already tearing open the tiny foil package on his way back. I reached for him as he knelt in front of me, unrolling the condom over his erect length before positioning himself at my center.

He pushed in slowly, almost uncertainly, before I arched against him and moaned in encouragement – time and pain had forced me to forget just how good this felt. Spurred on, he rested most of his weight on his muscular arms and began to pick up a rhythm, thrusting into me as every bundle of nerves in my body coiled into knots.

"You feel so good," he moaned into my ear as I hitched my leg around his hip, allowing him deeper penetration. I wasn't going to last long, that was certain, but from the feel of things neither was he. He moaned my name, sending a fresh wave of pleasure through my body – I was so close. He rested his forehead against mine, my hands clutching his shoulder blades, fingernails raking across his bare skin. A thin sheen of sweat covered both of us, our breathing and heart rates erratic and frenzied.

"Edward I –" He pumped faster, moving his hand from the mattress to rub my clit, undoing me in the process. My body rocked beneath him, pleasure spreading in waves from my core and rippling through every part of my body as I yelled his name. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he thrust harder, his cock throbbing against my walls as he came, sending me into another orgasm.

He collapsed on top of me, burying his lips into my hair. I tried to catch my breath, unable to move and lacking any desire to. My entire body felt relaxed and spent, and a wave of exhaustion quickly settled over me. He pulled out of me, tying off the condom and disposing of it in the bathroom.

Sleep hovered at my heavy eyelids as he slunk under the covers beside me, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. "I love you."

"Love you… too…" I murmured back sleepily, Edward chuckling softly in my ear. He hummed softly, his sweet, tenor voice sending me instantly into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: So... what do you guys think? That is not the last we will see of Tanya, of course - things couldn't be that easy.**

**Oh and... Eclipse comes out tomorrow night! So. Excited. Will be interesting to see how this one is... I hear they get progressively better. Plus, any 2 and a half hours staring at ' face is worth my time. So I'm excited :)**


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